Wednesday, September 30, 2009

wardrobe malfunction

Somehow, magically, I have made it this far in life without a pair of black trousers. Please, please don't tell any television makeover personalities. I know every woman on the planet swears "it's so hard to find clothes that fit me!" but I'm going to toss my hat in the body-shape-issues-ring nonetheless. I have long legs (which are neither toned nor tan and constantly covered in mystery bruises so no jealousy needed), which defy even "tall" inseams. I have no hips. Small, but if I do say, perky, rear end. What I will lovingly refer to as love handles. Since I don't know any fruits that bear a resemblance to my middle half, the following is probably the best visual representation:
photo from here


Unfortunately the time has come where I can no longer operate in skirts alone. The blazers this season are just too enticing (it doesn't look the same with skirts, trust, I've tried). Because shopping for pants falls just below "being trapped in an elevator with Rush Limbaugh," and "going spelunking with the Duggar family," on my list of things I'd like to do on a Saturday afternoon, I keep putting this particular chore off. I have, however, set a deadline for myself. When I go home in October for a weekend, I am dragging my pathetic, oddly shaped self to J. Crew and trying on ever pair of wool-twill-four way stretch-trouser-superfits they have in stock until something fits. Or fits close enough so that I can scream my credit card number over the big red in-store phone to order the tall version, obviously.

Any more well balanced, or at least well proportioned readers out there? Is there anything you absolutely hate shopping for?

2 comments:

"Welcome to My Humble Ablog" said...

I'm a long limb girl. I usually do my below-the-waist shopping online since most stores do not carry "tall" sizes. But, what do I do about my freakishly long arms? Long sleeves tops are a no-no in my book. Coat and jackets are also a frustration. I can either get a coat with the appropriate sleeve length but the rest of the piece is a loose mess; I'm practically swimming in it.

Strapless Living said...

how could i have forgotten to mention the gangle arms?! dude, i feel you, i'm a master of the "long sleeve oxford roll up so no one can see that they stop at my wrist bone" maneuver. When it comes to coats and jackets I just try on thousands of options and hope for the best (or a little extra fabric in the cuff so it can be let out). Perhaps we should just move to warmer climates so shorts and tank tops can be warn always?