Thursday, November 27, 2008

all about me

Boy oh boy, it's a Thanksgiving Day miracle! From her deathbed, Regardez Moi has tagged me to fill out a questionnaire on my favorite subject: moi. I'm supposed to tag people at the end but I'm way to lazy to put brain power into doing that right now. So, without further delay, here it goes:

All About Me

10 years ago :
Now, you all have to promise that after reading this you won't stop reading my blog forever because I'm young and stupid. Anyways, ten years ago I was eleven years old and in the sixth grade. My dad had just announced that we were packing up and moving from Lexington, Kentucky to Moscow, Russia (yes, the Moscow, Russia). I spent pretty much all my time crying and throwing tantrums about how much I would miss my friends. 

8 years ago:
I was thirteen years old, having just moved back to Lexington from Moscow. Even though I returned to the same middle school with all my same girl friends from elementary school, I was bullied incessantly. I was accused by all the thirteen year old boys of being fat, being bulimic, being a slut, being ugly, being flat chested, being dirty for speaking Russian, and being unintelligent. I spent most of my time crying and missing my friends from Moscow. 

6 years ago:
I was fifteen (or sixteen or seventeen or a variety of ages I pretended to be to various older boys). I was lusting after anything who had a car, played in a band, or called me "hot." I had just lost my (long overdue) baby fat and was 5'10 and 115 lbs. I wore really tiny t-shirts and big flares. I'm pretty sure I was dating two guys both named "John."


2 years ago:
19 years old, still pretty much lusting after the same type of boy. Living in my first apartment in Montreal, probably in the library studying for finals. 

Five yummy things:
1. Pizza. Is that bad? Are you one of those people that is all like "ew, I don't like pizza." If that's the case you should stop reading my blog forever becase greasy cheese and bread combined with sauce is called delicious. 
2. Any sort of taco/burrito/enchilada type thing you might come up with. 
3. Anything baked in a casserole dish. 
4. Red Earth Cake. Someday I will post the recipe for this and you will all realize why everyone in my family has some sort of heart disease. 
5. Bagels. 

Five songs I know by heart:
1. By the Mark - Gillian Welch
2. Sha Sha - Ben Kweller
3. Any of the songs from Enema of the State - Blink 182 (middle school was tough)
4. Under the Sea - The Little Mermaid
5. Gold Digger - Kanye West

Five places I would like to escape to:
1. Charleston, SC
2. Any sort of tropical island with sunshine and Tivo. 
3. Remember when you were little and thought about how fun it would be to spend the night in the mall? I would still give anything to spend the night in Macys. 
4. Edinburgh, Scotland
5. My bed? Like, all day everyday?

Five things I would never wear:
1. A unitard.
2. Those African print leggings from American Apparel. 
3. One of those wedding dresses women are always buying on "Say Yes to the Dress," where the top is sheer lace and you can see the boning underneath. 
4. A mock turtleneck (how hard is it to just fold the collar over?)
5. Any sort of construction boot-high heel crossover shoe. 

Five favorite TV shows:
1. House
2. Arrested Development (RIP)
3. Friday Night Lights
4. Sons of Anarchy (love)
5. MI-5


Five things I enjoy doing:
1. Baking
2. Driving
3. Writing letters/Getting things in the mail
4. Reading advice columns (Miss Manners, etc.)
5. Making mixed tapes

Five Favorite toys:
1. Tetris
2. Crossword Puzzles, they're the only thing that keeps me from jumping off the building at work
3. Blokus. My favorite board game that no one will ever play with me. 
4. Set. So good and reminds me of fourth grade.
5. Cribbage. It's a card game; look it up it's fun. 

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

thanksgiving, more than just a day off

                        Thanksgiving, what to say? I'm really excited about devouring every variety of casserole ever invented? That my mother has already baked two pies and two pumpkin rolls*? That there is a butterball turkey defrosting in my garage? I mean, it's all pretty standard. Excluding thetradition whereby my brother and father annually shoot our turkey. I don't mean they put on camo and sit in a turkey blind all morning before bow-and-arrowing one in the face. mean they take the butterball outside and, while it's still in its protective wrapping, toss it in the air and shoot it with a paintball gun. At which point they hold it up proudly and make us take a picture. Does this level of redneckness cancel out the fact that my mother drives a Prius?
                       
*Perhaps, if a wave of giving spirit washes over me, I will share my family's Pumpkin Roll recipe. I know everyone and their mom feels the need to post recipes on their blog, most of which probably never get made, but this might be one worth printing and tucking away for that day you absolutely need to gain ten pounds in one afternoon as a matter of life and death. Mama Strapless Living makes one of these every Thanksgiving and the day after, when everyone else is clutching their stomachs and complaining of overeating-induced-indigestion, I'm already craving next year's. I remember my mom taking one out of the fridge when I was barely three, a testament to the power this dessert holds over a person after it has entered their life. 

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

honestly


Okay, so honestly, how awkward do you feel while dunking your fingers in and out of these kind of nail polish removers? 

christmas take one

I'm way to lazy to make a "what I want for christmas" exhaustive list post so I'm just going to randomly post things I like when I see them. I'm not going to lie this is probably going to result in a hundred thousand posts over the next month. To begin: Ribbon. Girlfriend here loves ribbon. For real. I have a huge box of it in my house. I use it wrap presents mostly but sometimes when I'm bored and pretending that I'm five foot four and adorable instead of jolly green giant status I put it my hair. This would be ideal for either of those situations. $29 from Jaime Rugh.

p.s. sometimes when I realize that I'm alternating between working on a cover letter and looking at things like this I think, "how will I survive adulthood?"

birds of a feather


Dilemma. Sort of. When I was in DC I had some time to kill and found myself idly shopping. This included a brief jaunt into Urban Outfitters, my least favorite place in the universe (I feel like I must have been looking for something specific, which I no longer remember). I tried on the above headband and loved it but refused to buy it because, duh, I HATE Urban Outfitters for about a million reasons I won't bother going into now. I've looked at ones online at etsy and co. but since I already know I like the UO one I'm considering breaking down and just ordering it. I am reluctant to do this not only because it will be delivering $25 into the hands of my arch-nemesis but also because I'm worried it'll get trashed in shipping. What do we think is the likelihood of me being able to craft such a headband on my own? To put my crafting abilities in context I can knit, quilt, and needlepoint but I can't draw, paint or sculpt. Thoughts?

oh really?


New York Magazine tells me that I CAN wear harem pants and look good. To which I respond by saying "Oh really?" while squinting my eyes and jutting out my chin. In what universe does pretending that my uterus has dropped a foot below its natural placement inspire sexy thoughts?

Monday, November 24, 2008

because i spend too much time complaining

Banjo Baby has been posting old online conversations so when I had a conversation with a hipster friend of mine about my need for testosterone in my life I thought I would share:

hannah: i need like a homespun, cornfed, blue collar 
               boy in a pickup truck right now
hannah: not for like, seriously dating
hannah: but for, you know, other things
hipster: i feel like you could find these guys
hipster: you're just looking in the wrong places
hannah: i feel like i haven't actually been looking
hannah: i've just been complaining
hannah: but i don't know where those boys are
hipster: yeah, i get that feeling too
hipster: hmm
hannah: and i don't have any friends that would
 tag along with me to their potential hangouts
hipster: find one and ask him where their lair is
hannah: my friends are so weird about boys it's
        really hindering my growth as a sexual human being
hipster: like i said
hipster: new friends
hannah: and my growth as a sexual human being i mean the amount
       of ass i should be getting as a young nubile 20something

So what do you guys think? What should be my plan of attack for hunting down boys in flannel with whom to snuggle with this cold holiday season? Any suggestions, even really atrocious ones, are welcome.

puffer

I finally did something I have wanted to do since I was a senior in high school. And no, it didn't involved drugs, sex, alcohol or even rock and roll. It's mostly nylon and down. I bought a J. Crew puffy vest. I LOVE THEM and every year tell myself to buy one but then I'm always like "they're soo expensive, $120 for a VEST?" and I don't. But then next year I still really want one and the whole things starts over again. So today, when they were 30% off I finally bit the bullet. And I'm obsessed. Once I put on this sherpa-lined piece of heaven I didn't want to take it off. I almost made the adorable geek-chic J. Crew employee scan the tag while it was still on me (almost). 
P.S. I would post pictures of my kelly green bundle of joy but blogger hates me. You can see it in all it's glory here. And ignore the color of the one in their photo because I assure you it is no such teal.

new obsession


The Sons of Anarchy, a new show on FX, is ridiculously good. Seriously, it'll make you want to start dating a guy who rides a motorcycle, get a tattoo on your cleavage, and drink all day every day. I freaking love it and have watched the entire first 12 episodes en mass in the three days. Put this on your list of things to marathon after gorging yourself on Thursday, you won't regret it.

hooky


My friend is home from school for Thanksgiving and I am skipping work tomorrow to hang out with her. Is this responsible? No. Am I doing it anyways? Absolutely. 

Thursday, November 20, 2008

little j


oh honey no.

current obsession

i don't get it

Okay, so I'm a little confused as to why J. Crew has a "handbag collection" in the first place. They are way pricey and if I'm going to pay that much for a bag I want it to be from an actual handbag/leather company, not just an egomaniacal mall store that went all teenie-bopper -celebrity and expanded their "brand." To be fair, some of the bags are, admittedly, very cute. I love all their clutches but they're nothing that Kate Spade hasn't done (and done better, although I like that J. Crew doesn't have a tacky label that is now and forever identified with those stupid black nylon backpacks and fake striped bags) or Marc Jacobs or even Alfani. But really, what this post was supposed to be about was the fact that I really don't get these:

If you had told me that you had picked up this bag (or it's larger, cuter, cousin) up at Target for $19.99 I would say, verbatim "ooh, maj. cute." And in that case it wouldn't have been made of "supple leather" nor "handcrafted in Italy," but it would have made sense for a cheap sensible bag you throw all sorts of crap in when you go to work because it doesn't have a zipper on the top but who cares if everyone sees your all your junk? 

Maybe I'm just cranky because what I really want are these but I know they'll be too expensive to become mine:

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

bullseye

Does anyone else think Christina Aguilera's Target commercial looks like what a tween girl with a large budget and makeup case would have made?

(I don't like sullying my blog with the video, but had to just in case you don't watch oodles of tv like moi.)

the doctor is in


Little fact about me: I take giving advice really seriously. If someone asks for my advice/opinion on something I seriously think about it before responding. I don't mind if once I've given my opinion they decide to go in a different direction unless one or both of the following is the case: A) it is indisputable that I know more about the topic than the person seeking the advice (I'm not an expert in too many areas but this rule extends to cover things that have a concretely correct answer. Made up example: "I am going to get the car that has the best gas mileage between the Prius and Corolla" "That would be the Prius." "I think I'll get the Corolla.") or B) They complain later about having made that decision for the exact reason that you told them not too ("Oh man, I really wish I had gone with a car that gets better gas mileage than this Corolla..."). For some reason, this happens to me ALL the time. Sure, I can be kind of know-it-all-ish (what can I say, I happen to have a brain that retains A LOT of useless information and has strong analytical skills. I was pretty much designed to do crossword puzzles.) so I probably take it more personally than I should when people don't follow my advice but at the same it, if you're going to blatantly disregard what I say, then at least spare me hours of complaining about whatever it is you did instead.
I'm sure every self help book on the planet would at this point tell me to skip to chapter three and remember "you can't change others, just yourself," i.e. STOP GIVING ADVICE. But this my friends, is impossible. The only time I'm ever able to actually keep my mouth shut is when people are considering breaking up with significant others, at which point I ALWAYS sort of repeat back to them whatever they've been complaining about, remind them of something good about the S.O. and then say "really, only you know what is best for you." Because lord knows telling someone to break up with someone never turns out well for any of the parties involved. But somehow I can't apply this to other areas of my life. Every time a friend who is concerned (unecessarily) with her figure tries on something fitted, I (honestly) tell her she is in great shape, even though I know she's going to change into a tent dress every. single. time. Each time my cousin, who is admittedly a poor writer, asks me how I think she should word a sentence, she always changes it back to whichever way mixes tenses or is a fragment. But whenever I get one of her e-mails I still stare at it for a minute and write out a couple example sentences before picking a good one to send back to her. Is this a disease? I'd attempt to defend myself by saying I don't ask to have my opinion asked for but the fact that I continue to give it probably indicates otherwise.
I guess I could always revert back to a tactic I used once in the tenth grade to avoid giving an answer. Once, when a boy asked me out, I replied with, "um, oh my god, is that burning I smell? HOLY SHIT, I think something in my house is on fire. Let me call you back." Which, of course, I never did.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

passive aggressive

Does anyone else read Passive Aggressive Notes (am blackberrily blogging, will link later)? Sometimes they're lame but there are some passive aggressive gems on there. I snapped the above photo not in the building I work in, but the building whose garage I park in (it's a very unnecessarily complicated parking routine) and really enjoy the way the bottom of the sign says "This rule is to be followed even if no one is looking!" It's not even like it's an exciting rule that would be tempting to break in the absence of authority. Who gets off on using the wrong elevator to cart your building supplies? 

Monday, November 17, 2008

i know i post a lot of these but...

how hilarious is that? Although, from experience, if you're going to hook up with an ex-mormon, try to find an ex-mormon who is also an ex-marine. Their ability to toss you on the bed like you weight 20 lbs. more than makes up for all their religious confusion and guilt.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

ho ho ho


Okay, I know that it's not after Thanksgiving yet and thus totally inappropriate to discuss Christmas but I have to share something with you. PEPPERMINT BARK AND MINT M&MS. Otherwise known as "the only reason I recognize Christmas as a holiday." Pepperminty chocolate is my number one favorite thing in life and without it I would have tossed in the towel ages ago. Last year I actually forced my mother to go to Williams Sonoma and send a box of their peppermint bark to Canada, such is my love for the stuff. And the mint m&ms? They used to be a staple in my house around Christmas, a big bowl full of red and green deliciousness. Then like ten years ago they suddenly stopped making them for Christmas. It was a tragedy. But this year, I am happy to report, they are BACK. Sort of hard to find; the people at my Rite-Aid probably think I am on a quest to develop diabetes, since its the only place I've seen them so far but it's totally worth it. I mean, I love holiday cheer, and goodwill towards men, but the holiday season is all about the foodstuffs (new years day: booze, v-day: chocolate, easter: chocolate, fourth of july: coleslaw, thanksgiving: casserole, christmas: peppermint bark), is it not?

Saturday, November 15, 2008

addiction


Do you guys want to know how psycho I am? I mean how, seriously, nuts I am? ARE YOU PREPARED FOR THAT? Because here's the thing: I don't have DirectTV so I can't watch Friday Night Lights Season 3 on TV until January. And that's simply not good enough. It's been on for a while, but I purposefully didn't watch any because I wanted to wait until I had a bunch of free time and could marathon it. Such is my madness regarding this delightful bit of teenaged football drama. I've been sick this week, even skipping work on Thursday, so this Saturday evening when it is pouring both rain and snot is the perfect chance to overdose on beautiful people with Texas accents. If you don't hear back from me for a while I'm going to need you to come over and administer an adrenaline shot straight to my heart Pulp Fiction style. I hope you guys are having an equally delightful but significantly more productive weekend and barring any real TV viewing complications I'll be back on Monday.

Friday, November 14, 2008

mmm...

Who needs a naked, sweaty boy on top of you when you can writhe around with this bad boy? On Tuesday I went to Keeneland for their biannual horse auction (my horse's baby was on the block! a friend of ours bought him so he's not out of my life forever, thank god) and stopped by their store because when I was in DC I lost my lucky horseshoe ring. It was a $20 cz number I bought at the beginning of the summer and hadn't been apart from since. Like a complete moron I took it off to wash my hands in the airport bathroom and left it on the sink. Anyways, I went back to the store to see if I could get a replacement (I did! They didn't have my exact ring, but another horseshoe one that the saleslady gave me for $20 even though it was $60 since clearly she felt my pain) and while I was waiting for them to check on the ring I browsed around and stumbled on this cashmere throw, which I promise you is the softest most delightful thing on the planet. If only I had $1900 to toss around, and a strong enough will to force myself not to sit around in my house naked wrapped up in it all day, every day, it would be mine. They also had these amazing throw pillows with horse heads on them that I really wish I could find a picture of because they were about as bad ass as I believe a throw pillow could be. P.S. It also comes in the color combo below, seriously, I'm in love.
UPDATE: I found their website, go forth and drool. Beauty Cashmere.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

and then one day, god spoke

TAKE THAT PCs. As if we weren't spoiled enough, getting DVDs in the mail a day after we go crazy and push all the foreign films in our queue to the back so we get "Baby Mama" faster, now Netflix has extended the ability to watch movies and tv shows on demand. Just in time for hiding in your room from relatives during the holiday season. 
NEVER MIND. Silly me for touting something before trying it. When netflix said "you can watch some tv shows and movies on your mac" it really meant "your macintosh computer running windows." This is like something out of a really bad high school romantic comedy where the cheerleader tells the nerdy girl that the quarterback is going to ask her to the prom and then later, after the nerdy girl has bought a dress and told everyone, says "oh, I meant he was going to ask you in your dreams." 

Monday, November 10, 2008

how could i resist?

Robert Blackman talking about the costumes on Pushing Daisies. love

Sunday, November 9, 2008


yum

Thursday, November 6, 2008

slow on the uptake

I'd like to say I haven't posted yet today because I'm still running around D.C. fighting the good fight and whatnot but instead I got in last night and have spent all day watching this season of "The Riches," on hulu.com (yes, I skipped work to watch an FX show on my computer, feel free to judge me, I do it all the time). I'd love to write a real post now but I'm afraid my lethargy is still holding strong; hopefully tomorrow will bring a more productive day.
P.S. How ridiculous is it that so much talk has gone on about Michelle Obama's election night dress? I was so busy crying and hugging random strangers in the street she could have been draped in giant palm leaves and I wouldn't have noticed. 

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

obomanation

Hey blogosphere! Sorry I've been so sucky with the long distance posting, but I hope the above photo helps explain why. Each of those cups once held a blue democratic shot, which were greedily drank by my cohorts and I last night. At the announcement that Obama was the projected winner we quickly settled our tab (it included 36 of the aforementioned blue shots) and literally ran to the white house (a little difficult in riding boots and the pouring rain) where we screamed, cheered, and danced like assholes until three am. God I love this country.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

on the road again

Tomorrow I am hopping on a plane and heading to our nation's capital for the first half of the week. The trip is part business, part pleasure, and part me really wanting to be a part of the massive party that is guaranteed to occur in DC the night of the election. I'll be bogged down with enough technological gadgets so that I should be able to post, but if I am slow, don't fret! Send me positive vibes (or send me an e-mail! straplesslivingblog@gmail.com) and I will pass on any delightful anecdotes from my trip!

photo from here