Friday, October 31, 2008


Today I not only dropped my blackberry in my driveway but then proceeded to run over it. And not notice that I didn't have it with me all day. And get home to find in on the kitchen table with a note from my mom that read "I found this in the driveway-sorry." So I immediately got back in my car and drove to AT&T to be greeted by the least friendly sales person ever, then paid $250 for a new one ($100 of which I get back in the form of one of those obnoxious credit card rebates). Then I used the blackberry computer software and transfered all the data from the busted one to the new one. So basically, I paid $250 to have my exact same phone. 
P.S. Happy Halloween. Sorry for lack of dedicated holiday post. I used up all of my holiday cheer baking mini cupcakes for the office's "Halloween Goodie Day" last night. And am not going to a Halloween party until tomorrow night (yeah, I know, doesn't make too much sense to me either) so...I'll just go ahead and start stockpiling my energy for a really awesome Thanksgiving post.

the above photo is not my actual phone, it's from here

Thursday, October 30, 2008


Peonies and Polaroids was tagged in a delightful mosaic game and invited everyone to join in and I couldn't resist. You type in the answers to twelve questions, pick your favorite photo from the first page of search results, enter it in to flickr's mosaic creator and voila! My mosaic and the questions below:

1. What is your first name? Hannah
2. What is your favorite food? Buttered Toast
3. What high school did you attend? Henry Clay
4. What is your favorite color? Navy Blue
5. Who is your celebrity crush? Hugh Laurie
6. Favorite drink? Champagne
7. Dream vacation? Maldives (in my dreams those little huts have cable)
8. Favorite dessert? Cupcakes
9. What do you want to be when you grow up? Happy
10. What do you love most in life? My Family
11. One word to describe you? Clever
12. Your Flickr name? I don't have so I just used what came up when I accidentally did question nine twice, this is for "young at heart"

*I couldn't make the photo bigger but you can see a better version  here*

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

pushing daises

I am obsessed with the way Charlotte, "Chuck," dresses on the show Pushing Daisies. Robert Blackman is seriously a costuming god because I want her wardrobe in my closet immediately. I had a hard time finding pictures of all her amazing 1950s inspired frocks in feminine colors and prints with big underskirts but here are a few:
(I'm a big supporter of headbands with bows and am not ashamed that I once bought like six of them in one big headband binge)

OBSESSED. I would literally give all the money in my bank account and max out my mastercard for this baby. And toss in my Stuart Weitzman d'orsay pumps. That's how you know I'm serious, when I start to bargain with shoes.


It is officially autumn. Well, of course it is, but I meant that it's actually getting cold here. Leaves have changed, the air is crisp, and when you leave for work at 7:30 it is pitch black and very difficult to stay awake (unless your boss has promised you cinnamon crunch bagels for breakfast, which she delivers on but then all the women start talking about how fattening bagels are while you're dousing yours in hazelnut cream cheese and scarfing it down). Autumn always reminds me of camping with my family when I was in elementary school. My dad is an avid outdoorsman and I'm sure was really disappointed when I turned out not to be love hiking, camping, climbing etc. (fortunately they got a bonus baby with my brother, Ryan, who loves it, so it all worked out). Perhaps sensing that I would end up this way, my dad crammed in as much outdoor activity as possible before I turned 10. I remember my first climbing harness (baby blue, super cute), being picked up from slumber parties early to go hiking, and even the way my dad's fleece jackets smelled in the cold air. Anyways, thought I'd share some baby photos as proof that I once explored the great outdoors. 

Now who doesn't love a baby in a canoe? As you can tell, safety is a number one priority in my family since my toddling self is swathed in a life jacket.

Why let having a child slow down your climbing and hiking ambitions? Notice the flannel, climbing harness, newsboy cap, and infant. 

That's right, once upon a time I used to enjoy rock climbing. Please notice the stylish french braid, patterned leggings, and reeboks. It should be noted that I'm also wearing a barney t-shirt and spent most of that day reading The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. 

I recognized at a young age that this was the only way to enjoy hiking. Notice the repeat appearance of the cap and mountain man beard. 

This picture is appropriate because it shows how little I've changed. Long hair, glasses, lots of fleece, leggings. Also, I'm letting my dad put together the tent while I stand around and look pretty.  

Just because it's cold outside. 

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

more shoes (i'm getting a little cliche, even to myself)

So I'm sitting here killing ten minutes before I need to leave for pilates and am, of course, browsing for old lady off-white pumps. Here is what I have found:
Claudia Ciuti pumps at shopbop for $220. Absolutely drool worthy. The leather is yummy looking, the color is getting closer to what I want and the heel is a little bit higher than the RL pair. But the ones I have now were $98 and I'm not sure at this point my budget can be doubled...

Okay, these Giuseppe Zanottis are totally out of my league at $416 (and that's at bluefly!) but that heel is pretty badass. Of course, the easiest way to cool a shoe fever is to splash your face with this:


How is it only Tuesday? Seriously, it's got to  at least be Thursday, right? RIGHT? 

P.S. You know your job sucks when you spent an hour and a half stuffing envelopes this afternoon and it was a step up. Photo from here

Monday, October 27, 2008

what i did on my lunch hour

I voted! That's right, at noon today I went to the County Clerk's office and cast my early absentee ballot (I'm going to be out of town next Tuesday, more on that later). It was the first time I'd actually voted not via mail-in absentee ballot so I felt very All-American stepping in front of the electronic machine with the pop-up privacy screen. After participating in the Democratic process, I practically skipped back to the office, which I assure you I never do. 

Saturday, October 25, 2008

as if i don't have a dozen pairs of shoes in my closet that have never been worn

So remember how yesterday (if you were able to get through that bizarrely text-wrapped post, sorry again!) I was talking about how I wanted cream colored shoes? If I had been able to post pictures I would have also said it was because I wanted to look like this woman:
So classic! So refined! So, dare I use the most overused word of all time? Chic! So today, In an effort to copy this Italian woman who looks better middle aged than I do as a twenty-something, I tripped and fell into the shoe department at Macy's on may way out from getting a bathrobe (oh, what a glamorous life I lead. It wasn't even silk and sexy, it's cotton, and has a hood. Honestly, today after my shower I did some boxing moves in it in my bathroom). Out I walked with these:

They're Ralph Lauren Amaya pumps in camel and I swear the color is less yellowy and way cuter in real life. Still, I'm not entirely sure I love them. I was hoping for a pair a little lower cut on the sides and that were more cream than camel but they were literally the only pair even close to that end of the color spectrum in the whole store. So while I'll probably end up keeping them, I might return them if I find something closer to what I was looking forward. Any suggestions? 

UPDATE: If any shoe fit the bill for this search it would be the one below (well, technically it'd be the classic Louboutin Pigalle Point-Toe pumps in cream colored but, whatever):
Unfortunately, I don't have $450 to drop on a pair of Pradas so...again, suggestions?

Friday, October 24, 2008


This post is going to be a little nonsensical because it's been a long day and I just feel like listing random things that I'm thinking about:
1. I'm going to a wedding tomorrow (death). My cousin, who I am not even remotely close to and see maybe once a year is getting married and it's in Eastern Kentucky and it might be a booze free reception. HATE LIFE.
2. My friend had two of the same flexible plastic J. Crew leopard print hand band and gave one to me and it was pretty much favorite thing ever and today it randomly broke. And if they don't still have some in the store when I go tomorrow, heads will roll.
3. I tripped and fell and went to the Satorialist's blog today and all that ever does is make me feel bad because I have no personal style. I just wear...clothes. I don't have enough money to buy fabulous expensive things and I don't have enough motivation or desire to scour vintage stores or sale racks. I wear collared shirts and pencil skirts and ballet flats. Every day.
4. I'm really craving shoes, the ability to lose ten pounds, and a Democrat president. In that order.
5. Cream colored shoes in particular. Seriously, why do I have such a strong desire to dress like I'm 50? In the 1950s?
6. I took my aunt as a guest to my gym and they made me pay $20 for her to have a "day pass." After our pilates class I found out there was a promotion going on where you could bring a free guest (which you should be allowed to do anyways but whatever). I went to ask the manager about this afterwards and he just leaned back in his chair and said "whatever," when I told him how bad this made the gym look to a potential future client. I'm not in a customer service field but I'm thinking that guy shouldn't be either? Now I'm too angry to go to my gym, which is a problem since I normally burn off anger through exercise.

P.S. This post is supposed to have pictures. But blogger won't let me put them in. And it wouldn't wrap the text either so sorry for that. UGH.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

an open letter

Dear Banana Republic: 

I'm sorry to say, but this has got to stop. Listen, I love your clothes, you know I do. But today I realized the only things on my body not from your store were my unmentionables and my socks. Skirt, sweater, blazer, and shoes: all with your name on them. THAT IS RIDICULOUS. I'm not saying we can never be together again, I just need some time to really figure out what I want, you know? I just feel like I need to get out there and experience other things...I mean, really, it's me, not you. No, I'm serious, it's me. Your new monogram collection is nothing if not adorable and, yes, your dresses fit me excellently but I just don't have enough expendable income to give away that much of me right now, you know? I know this is sort of a shock but, trust me, this hurts me just as much as you. 

Yours always,


Wednesday, October 22, 2008


Why is Kate Bosworth still famous? Or at least attending famous-people-events? I mean, I'm sure we'll all agree that "Blue Crush," was an awe inspiring you-go-girl cinematic masterpiece but that was like ten years ago.

photo from

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

What would you say if I told you that you could have sex with Sarah Palin for $27.66 plus shipping? "Wow!" you might exclaim, "That's a bargain!" Or, perhaps, you might say "That's about $27.66 more than it's worth." Regardless, ladies and gentleman, I am here to tell you that it is possible. With your very own..."This is NOT Sarah Palin Inflatable Love Doll!"
The website selling this hot piece of latex inflatable ass, describes it in the following way:

"Sarah Palin makes sexism sexy so cross party lines with your own inflatable running mate. Three ways to do this doll: mouth, pussy or ass. Give her a mouthful. Blow her up and show her how you’re going to vote. Let her pound your gavel over and over. Bypass the Bush and have some MILF. It’s time some male interns caused a scandal in the Capitol. She’s the hottest thing to come out of Alaska in years. "

This is probably the most offensive thing I've seen in a while. It's totally misogynistic, and regardless of my own misgivings about Governor Palin, it's appalling that such a mockery is being made of a serious female contender for the Vice Presidency of the United States (especially when you know they'd never make a sex doll of Biden, McCain, or Obama).  But, um, it's also kind of funny....and I totally choked on my diet ginger ale when I first saw it because I was laughing hysterically. So now if you'll excuse me I'll go slink off in shame. 

P.S. Hate to disappoint, but I didn't stumble across this while browsing for 'naughty drawer' items. My bedside table doesn't even have a drawer. Anyways, Slate has an article about it here

Sunday, October 19, 2008

day at the races

To those of you who didn't grow up Kentucky (all four of you that read this blog), it might seem strange for me to have spent my formative years at, or pining for, a horse track. What sort of heathen redneck culture promotes underage gambling, drinking, and excessive showboating of overpriced WASPy designers? That would my culture dear readers and lord knows, I love it. My friends at school probably wanted to throw up every time they heard me mention Keeneland my senior year, but there really is something spectacular about it. Anytime you guys want to put on a big hat, drink a bloody mary (or eat a Reuben), and gamble away some of your hard earned money, just head on down, I'll be happy to take you. 

photo from here

Saturday, October 18, 2008

woah woah woah

COCO IS WEARING CLOTHES! I mean, not a whole lot of them, and I think it's sort of sheer...but never mind that! Since she normally shows up at places wearing a half yard of leather and latex ribbon (with stud hole cut outs), I almost choked on the pizza I was eating for breakfast (go ahead, judge me) when I saw the above photo. I think we should all take a minute to congratulate Coco, since she clearly has such a strong aversion to clothing, it must have been quite the struggle for her to pour herself into that little number. So, way to go Coco, may the rest of your days be filled with clothes that merit the name "clothes." Hurray!

photo from

Friday, October 17, 2008

potty talk

Whenever I happen to chance upon one of those awkward bathroom encounters at work where I am leaving when someone else is coming in, I notice that the women in my office, before retreating into the stall, take a toilet seat liner from a box on the wall. Now, I am nothing if not OCD about germs. I wash my hands roughly a hundred times a day and have learned how to say "don't cut my cuticles please" in a half dozen languages because, HELLO, they're natural barriers against disease and infection! Anyways, having said this, I'm sort of baffled regarding this toilet lining procedure. Each floor has it's own bathroom, and a quick browse through the HR website tells me that 25 women work on this floor, so it's not exactly a high traffic area. I understand utilizing a liner at say...Bonnaroo, Disney World, or an airport (although personally, I have a hard enough time lugging my carry on into those tiny stalls and those automatic toilet liners always freak me out because with all the wrinkles they have more surface area for germs to live on and if I should happen to forget to hit the button that rotates it before I sit down? ew.), but the office? Does the fact that I don't use one make me a disgusting person? Should I start using them on my home toilet as well?

Thursday, October 16, 2008

blast it all

Guess who has two thumbs and bought the above patent leather beautiful flats last weekend because her favorite ballet flats were finally falling apart (and it was sort of inappropriate to be wearing navy shoes with black clothes every single day) and she couldn't find her other black ones and thought maybe the size 7s that they had in the store would give a little when broken in (even though she really needed 7.5s, which they didn't have) even though of course they didn't and then she found her black steve madden ones that she got on sale for like $10 at Macys so now she doesn't even have an excuse to drop $100 on ballet flats (especially not in this economy) and she has to RETURN THEM? *points thumbs at self* This girl. 

i don't understand

Okay, there are many problems with the above photo. The hair that even Barbie would have said looked fake, the headband, the sheer top that looks like a Juicy Couture knockoff from four years ago, etc. etc. But, setting all of that aside, what does Aubrey O'Day have against lips? She seems extremely focused on not only making them disappear (and not in a hot 1960s way, which I totally love) but dressing like a stripper clown so that our attention will be drawn elsewhere. Do her lips remind her of her failing singing career every time looks at them? Let's not fug our lips to spite our face, okay Aubrey? 

photo from

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

an open letter

Dear M.I.A.,

O.M.G., congrats on your K.U.S. (knocked up status)! I'm sure your B.O.J. (bundle of joy) is going to be the hippest thing ever. Gwenyth Paltrow's kid, Apple, the original hipster baby, ain't going to have shit on that American Apparel wearing, ironic sunglasses sporting, against the machine raging, global ambassador B.O.J. that is born as a result of your K.U.S. What are you going to name him/her? Will it even be a him/her? Or will its hipness transcend gender and will the B.O.J. simple "be." Will it wear spandex R.O.O.W. (right out of the womb)? Or will it be all organic, breathable, hand washed diapers until it is old enough to make it's own hipster statements (say, age seven?). ANYWAYS, you just let me know! I'll B.W.O.T.E.O.M.S.U.T (be waiting on the edge of my seat until then)!

peace, love, and third world democracy,

lucky number seven

Michael Phelps's number one fan, Mlle. Nerdy Fashionista, has tagged me in a game of "seven random facts about yourself." Her answers were so good, go read them! But only after you've read mine or they'll hype you up too much and mine will suck in comparison. And now, without further ado, seven things you probably didn't know about me before:

1. I talk a lot of smack about never dating musicians (my senior year of high school ended with a little boy drama, to say the least) but I've never had an orgasm with someone who didn't have at least a basic understanding of the guitar. This seriously bugs me as I would hope to marry someone with a steady career and without a drug habit sometime in the future. 

2. I have pretty small feet for my height (7 or 7.5) but am way paranoid about my feet looking big. I have returned a couple pairs of flats for this very reason and am quite happy about the pointy toe trend being over for the time being. 

3. I am obsessed with popping pimples. My guy friends know I really trust them the day I go "um, okay, so you have this pimple on your chin, would you mind if I just..." It's gross, I know.

4. I judge people by their shoes. Not necessarily in a mean way, I just have this weird habit of piecing together impressions of people based on color, style, brand, wear-and-tear, etc. As catty as this all sounds, I tend to be pretty spot on. And as a result, I can tell you exactly what shoes all sorts of people I've only met once wear. 

5. The first time I got drunk was when I was having a covert sleepover at a boy's house when I was fifteen. He had just gotten kicked out of Philips Andover and I thought this was the sexiest thing ever. We played a made up drinking/billiards game combination where when one person sunk a ball the other had to take a shot. He drank Bacardi 151 and I had Malibu (because it was "girl's rum"). I think I actually made it to seven shots, which was pretty impressive since at the time I was 5'10 and 120lbs. I didn't puke or lose my virginity but I definitely got naked. 

P.S. The fact that two of these random facts are about sex are in no way indicative of me all the time. My freshman year of college my friends joked that I took showers in my bathing suit I was such a prude.

6. I'm really arrogant about the fact that I can drive stick shift. I don't know why, since it's not something that requires a whole lot of skill but I still feel like it makes me a bad ass. (P.S. unfortunately, I do not actually know the real live, and super hot, bad ass in the above photo, I stole the photo from here.)

7. I don't like sushi. I like inari, those little soybean cases filled with sticky rice, but that's it. Because this tends to register me as tragically unhip (like most other things about me) I usually try to play this off as a byproduct of my vegetarianism; cutting out fish eliminates most sushi. B when people bring up that stupid California Roll I really don't have much else to say. I. Just. Don't. Like it. 

Wow, who knew seven random things would be so hard to come up with? I would like to pass this sharing exercise onto Ms. The Most Awesomest Stuff Ever, Miss Banjo Baby, and Mrs. Pancakes and French Fries. GO FORTH AND EMBARRASS YOURSELVES, please. 

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Ugh. I tried to write a post for today but everything that came out was lazily lame. Not even fun, kitschy, lame like a Care Bears album or something. Hate to be such a slacker but so it goes. Will work on something for tomorrow that will at least make your eyes rolls with gusto.

photo of Palin owning her lameness from here.

Saturday, October 11, 2008


Tonight I made myself stay home to work on job research so I wouldn't go out, become intoxicated, and waste any potential of doing job research tomorrow. I have done absolutely nothing except do scooter research, clean out a closet (and give away stuff in the aforementioned closet via "free stuff" on Craigslist), and do a couple Sarah Palin impersonations. Ugh. It's getting to the point where not only do I not know what I want to do but I don't particularly care what I do. NOT GOOD. You would think impending financial doom, a job in insurance, and living with your parents would be motivation enough to fucking follow your bliss already but you would be wrong. I need motivation, direction, lack of trepidation, and many other "tions," which I am too lazy to come up with now. Maybe I should some it all up as "an attitude adjustment?"

the above photo has nothing to do with this post but is from here


an open letter

Dear Zara,

Why don't you just have an online store? Everyone else is doing it! I may have bashed your extremely loud in-store music and shoddy quality in the past but that was before I bought "the perfect pants." The only work appropriate pants that fit me. I know you're wondering "what about those four pairs of Banana Republic trousers in your closet?" Well, apparently I bought those while I was delirious and with a stomach flu because the waists are way too tiny, the hips are massive, and they're too short. Anyways, now that I have the perfect pants I have to carefully craft which day of the week I wear them so I won't be that weird girl that wears the same pair of pants everyday. I would love to just hop online and buy some more online store? WHY? Not too mention there isn't a physical Zara store within a million miles of where I love. But the website does tell me there is one in Burlington, Vermont. BURLINGTON? Come on, if Vermonters get Zara I think Kentuckians should too. 



Friday, October 10, 2008

Today I took a random route downtown and discovered that Lexington has a moped store! I very nearly wrecked and even then proceeded to squeal the rest of the way home (to put this in perspective, I still had a half hour to drive). Sigh, to drive a Vespa to and from work everyday would be amazing. I would clearly refer to it as a scooter, not a moped, and refer to any traveling I did on it as "scooting." 

photo from here

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Sorry. But now that I have your attention, does anyone wear a 36A and like Victoria's Secret bras? Okay, I recognize that is sort of personal. But I bought what I think is the above bra (I could go get the bra out of my room and double check but...meh) in black on sale before I realized that, duh, Victoria's Secret bras never fit me right (only ones from Target do, apparently my girls are cheap). ANYWAYS, I've never worn it and it's just chilling in my bra drawer so before I take it to goodwill, does anybody want it? photo from VS

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

rainy day in the bluegrass

it's pouring here and even though it's gray in my office regardless of weather, it's making it even harder to work...

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

self portrait tuesday

I agree with Petunia Face that Tuesday is a filler day and am going to bust out a filler post of my own (never mind that I was born on a Tuesday, does this make me a filler human being? How depressing). Today was the most average day of any day I've ever witnessed; neither interesting nor particularly dreadful. I had to go to the quarterly all staff meeting where I work (never mind that not even a single ion of my body cares whether the company falls into the ocean),  proceeded to eat four tiny brownies upon my arrival home, and will go to pilates at 7:30. Sigh. Yawn. Stretch. Make an ambivalent face. 
A boy I had a serious crush on my freshman year of college is getting married in November (to a girl he was with at the time of said crush, although I'm sure some of his remarks to me, which I can't share with you here because I'm southern and talking about sex makes me blush and stutter, would not have pleased her). Why does that make me feel old? He's the one tying the knot (a knot that I would be willing to bet will untie itself in less that five years, not that I would take pleasure in it doing so!). Previously, if I've been interested in a guy but it's never gone anywhere (for whatever reason) there was always a "meh, maybe in the future it'll resurface and be a better time," but in this case never means never. Not that I have any interest in this particular boy now (nor have I, at his girlfriend's fiancĂ©'s insistence, spoken to him in several months) but the whole door suddenly slamming shut phenomenon makes me a bit pissy. Perhaps I will create "hissy fit tuesday?"

photo from here

Monday, October 6, 2008


           I was SO ready for fall today. I mean, SO READY. Sure, when I went to the horse track yesterday it was like 85 degrees and I forgot my prescription sunglasses so I had to buy sunglasses there, which meant when I was sitting in the sun waiting for races to start I had to sit there completely blind and then right before the race started switch back to my normal glasses and make a hand visor but NO BIG DEAL. Anyways, today was supposed to be cooler and the AC in my office building is killer so today was going to be all autumn, all the time. I woke up and piled up on the Banana Republic (seriously, do you ever have those days when everything you wear is from one store? even your shoes). My outfit looked pretty similar to the one below, in fact that might be the exact same skirt. Paired with brown flat riding boots and a crisp white collared shirt I was ready for work (or my fantasy life as an equestrian heiress to the Ralph Lauren throne, whatever). 
But then the inevitable happened. The air conditioning in the building I work in broke and it was literally like a sauna up there on the 9th floor (did I mention it's an all glass building and my side is in the sun all day?). I actually slept at my desk with my head propped in my hand pretending to work until I could run outside for my 10am break because the warmth was like a warm cocoon that kept lulling my to sleep. So by five o'clock my oh-so-chic ensemble pretty much looked like a tweed dishrag and my feet had not only swollen up to fill my boots but were somehow simultaneously swimming in a leather bound pool of sweat. Hope your Monday was SWELL (oh god, I swear that wasn't supposed to be a swollen feet pun. Dammit!). 

Friday, October 3, 2008

drunk on power

Sorry about all the political posts recently. On the way to work, during work, and on my way home from work I listen to NPR so my brain is a hotbed of political activity (why have I not noticed what a weird word hotbed is before?). I promise to make this one the last one for a while, I just needed to share with you that last night I watched the vice presidential debate with my family and the following scene played out:
  • My mother slumped against the wall in the hallway connected to our loft living room because she was actually concerned that if she sat in the living room on the couch Sarah Palin would upset/anger her so much there was no telling what could happen. 
  • My brother took notes on an 8.5x11 piece of printer paper folded into four rectangles for his civics class. 
  • My dad and I played a drinking game.
  • That's right, a drinking game.
  • We took a shot of beer every time any of the following things occurred: Sarah Palin called John McCain a "maverick," Joe Biden spoke in the third person, either candidate said "main street," and whenever Sarah Palin blatantly violated basic grammatical rules.
  • Oh, and a shot was also taken when Sarah Palin called Joe Biden, "Senator Obiden." We also proceeded to say "Senator Obiden" in many curse word laden sentences with Irish accents.
All in all, Senator Biden made some excellent points, Governor Palin didn't embarrass herself (well, except for when she said "say it ain't so Joe!"), and we all left the debates a little happier.

photo from here

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

an open letter

Dear Senator McCain:

Man, you really got a bum deal on that Sarah Palin, didn't you? This is completely not the time for "I-told-you-so"s; let's focus on the future instead. Here's my suggestion: switch her out for me. Now, now, before you get all angry old man on me, hear me out. The following is an outline of reasons you should pick me to stand in for Sarah Palin as VP:
  1. I attended only one University, the one I graduated from. With a degree in Economics. Which is sort of, you know, relevant at the moment. When asked about the current economics situation I won't ramble and start shouting out things like "healthcare reform! increased trade!"
  2. I never got anyone fired because I had a personal problem with them. I'm sure a couple of my ex-boyfriends have some outstanding parking tickets but that's really as close to legal trouble as the media will be able to dig up on me.
  3. When I was able to "see Russia from my house!" it was because I was actually living there. Sure I was a pre-teen, but I've lived oustide of the country since then. This allows me to say things like "I have a global perspective," and other such catchy phrases, not just "I have read about other countries in books."
  4. I'm a Democrat! Actions speak louder than words, dear Senator, and voters would love to see you acting in a bipartisan way, not just using the word so many times I start to worry that you could be having a stroke.
  5. I've gotten As on papers for classes on topics I completely don't understand. I.e. when I BS about something, I do it well. When you've stared down the barrel of a deaf macroeconomics professor with a thick Indian accent and won, Katie Couric definitely can't touch you.
  6. I have brown hair! And bangs! And glasses! I've never been in a beauty pageant but I can do a wicked Alaskan impersonation. Surely in yours eyes there's nothing more that I need?
  7. The original Sarah Palin could never write out a list this organized. She'd do it on a post-it note and shout something like "I'm a mom, okay, and I don't have time to make such organized lists. I'm a proud gun toting American, not a elite liberal list maker! And, um, this list is going to change Washington because it's, um... bipartisan! Yeah! And John McCain has a long record of cutting down on earmarked spending, which, um, drew fire from both sides of aisle! No more out of control spending in Washington on lists!"
So there it is Senator McCain, seven excellent reasons to drop Sarah Palin like she was your first wife and pick me as your new Vice Presidential running mate. Seriously. So have your people call my people and let me know when my flight leaves tomorrow for the debate.


so sweet

Today I killed time on my lunch hour at the public library two blocks from where I work. It was there that I discovered not only a copy of Sex and the Single Girl, which I sheepishly checked out (it's a classic people!), but something that will make my workday go by so much faster: books on cd. The other filing clerks (I believe there are six of us. I'm not friends with any of them. They think I'm quiet. I think I need a new job.) listen to music, as do I (NPR's Morning Edition in the a.m. (Oh Steve Inskeep, you complete me), various other radio and iPodness throughout the day) but I had never considered listening to books before! I checked out three totally random things today, the titles of which are eluding me at the moment, but am looking forward to hearing all sorts of good books in the future. Any titles you've read lately that would make a good listen? Photo from here.