Friday, August 29, 2008

I know this is delayed but...


Why did the judges ooh and ahh over Jerell's Project Runway outfit? I thought the very top of the corset-type-thing looked nice but the rest of it looked like it was being smushed down her body and wasn't super flattering. Of course, maybe it's nicer than I thought but I'm so terrified by those boots that I can't even tell? Photo from here.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

pink and lime green

While buying the tulle for the previous post's craft activity, I also picked up the above piece of remnant fabric for a whopping $2. The colors are slightly more mellow in real life but it's still pretty...vibrant. Not sure what to do with it (there's only a yard of it) and it's currently really seasonally inappropriate but perhaps it will be reinvented as a pillow? Or in the spring a very mini mini-skirt? Too bad I didn't stay in the south for college, then if I were still in school I could just cover a bulletin board with it, pin some sorority memorabilia to it and call it a day. Regardless of what ends up happening with this ultra-girly fabric, its arrival into my home happened to coincide with the arrival of something else...the latest Lilly Pulitzer catalog! You would think that Lilly Pulitzer would check your tax return before bothering to send you a catalog but I guess not and thus I faithfully get one every couple of months or so. Since the monthly J. Crew catalogs just make me want to cry now with their out of control price tags, the Lilly catalog has taken on the responsible of lightening my spirits with their men in paisley blazers and hot pink pants. Even though their mens clothes are ridiculous (although I won't divulge what proportion of boys wore Lilly cummerbunds and ties to my prom) and their whole tennis line is bizarre, I have to admit that they make some pretty cute stuff. Examples (I apologize for the weird/blurry pictures, I was too lazy to scan, can you believe it?):
Just to show how weird Lilly Pulitzer is, the whole catalog was organized as a sort of family scrapbook. WITH A FAMILY TREE ON THE FIRST PAGE. How WASP-tastic is that? The above is the "young husband and wife" who have two children. I don't understand why they match but I want the shift dress she's wearing. 
LOVE this dress. Not so much the weird cummerbund but without it or with a different belt, definitely.
Cardigans and equine themed sweater tees, yes please.
A turtleneck! That's appropriate for fall right? Especially with this dress and tights and knee high riding boots? 
Okay, my family owns a horse. I have been to visit it wearing a pink oxford and jeans.
I looked NOTHING like the girl on the right and I could not have even dreamt of looking like
the girl on the left. Unfair.
They also had a full non-glossy page of this pattern (on the back were other new patterns for fall; they are mostly pink and lime green. I do not understand how that is autumnish but whatever), which I think needs to be used to wrap a very tiny present...

craft project!

As anyone who saw my Mrs. Robinson Halloween costume this past year knows, I'm a big fan of vintage housewivery (and costumes that come with their personalized method of alcohol imbibing). 
 Beehive hairdos, pearls, basically anything that you'll see on this season of Mad Men. 
Although I have often dreamed of incorporating these looks into my wardrobe. All my efforts (and beehives when it rains) have fallen flat. UNTIL TODAY. 

Exhibit A: Zara dress. Cute, but nothing special. 

Exhibit B: $4 worth of tulle sewn onto $1.18 worth of elastic (both from wal-mart)

Resulting in Exhibit C! Housewive adorableness! 
Now someone please ask me on a date because I am SO ready. 

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

american apparel is out of control



Dear American Apparel,

Who are you targeting with this ad? I am not a crotchety old man with an Asian fetish. Or a 20 year old hipster with fake wayfarers and an Asian fetish. Or a lesbian with an...you get the idea. I HAVE NO ASIAN FETISH WHATSOEVER. Come one American Apparel, you have convinced people (myself included, embarrassedly) to spend $20 on a plain white tee, do you really need to stoop to this level to hock your undies? Ugh. 

Disappointedly yours,
Hannah

p.s. I'm especially annoyed to have to boycott you because I've been really wanting this. In the words of a pissed off 12 year old to their parent's "way to ruin everything!"

Monday, August 25, 2008

revision

Remember when I said I never found anything cute on Etsy? I hereby take it back because these are adorable:
I mean, I would never ever have a need for them. I would buy them and they would sit in my purse and be adorable but never get handed out because...who do I ever need to give my phone number to? Regardless, nice work Etsy. 

P.S. These are also cute, and only $5

why urban outfitters is lame part 147


Poor Obama. It's not at all his fault but this shirt is so dumb. And that girl needs a cheeseburger (or cheese-garden-burger, whatever) stat. I do kind of like that they sell an Obama stencil so that you can make your own shirts but just because the above style of graphic tee made Urban Outfitters even more popular during the early 2000s doesn't mean that they need to continue making them indefinitely. Plus, hasn't the whole "future yuppies saying things like 'yo mama' and 'homeboy' on t-shirts" thing sort of run its course?

Sunday, August 24, 2008

an open letter

Dear J. Crew, 

First of all, I'm not writing to complain about your new website. This is most likely because, excluding the sale section, I actually can't figure out what's that different about it. But, my computer ineptitude aside, there are some things we need to discuss. First of all, don't think you're getting off easy because of the super cute Prague themed video that plays when you go to your website. Not only did you hit a nerve with the fact that I love Prague (well, I did when I went there 10 years ago) but I actually felt my ovaries contract when the little boy runs with the balloons (if I get my period twice this month I'm going to sue). Anyways, what is up with the following:
I mean, am I missing something here? I don't understand how that is supposed to be a reasonable model display. If it looks ridiculous on a reed thin model with extensions and makeup artists galore (as shown in the full photo or the video), how is a normal person supposed to look with distressed jeans rolled up with strappy heels? I. Just. Don't. Understand. And please, feel free to point out if I'm missing something here that will instantly explain it because I'm totally open to the idea that I'm supposed to hand over my credit card and squeal with glee when given a pair of boy-shaped cut-up jeans in return. You have a way of doing that to me. I just long to understand why this look is supposed to thrill me. Am I supposed to take up wading in these pants and wear gold strappy sandals as a way to lure crabs and lobsters? Should I bring sunscreen? 

Love,
Hannah

all I have to say is

Season 2 of the Tudors plus everything bagels with hazelnut cream cheese equals the ideal Sunday. 
P.S. Natalie Dormer, how does it feel to have your girls squeeze into a flat corset top all day everyday? It makes me feel squished just to look at you.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

used

By this point it's probably pretty obvious that I'm not much of a "thrifter." I usually hate scouring racks of clothing, I don't have a hipster personal style that needs unique finds, and I have no waist, so anything pre-1990s tends to fit me really awkwardly. As a result, I've never been one of those girls to effortlessly pull of a "I got this at a flea market in Milan," since nine times out of ten whatever I'm wearing came from a)Macy's b)J. Crew c)Marshall's or d)All of the above. Regardless of all these facts, I found myself in my neighborhood goodwill yesterday, looking for jeans to make cut offs with. If at this point your eyes are bugging out and you're internally screaming "CUT OFFS?" I totally understand, it's sort of a terrifying concept. But recently I've been really coveting "Now & Then" style cuffed cut off shorts and was, in all honestly, hoping to nab back a couple pairs of jeans I donated a month ago to cut up. Anyways, I didn't walk away with any jeans, but did randomly score the following items:"High waisted wool plaid pleated skirt thing," which I will only be able to wear until I gain one pound (i.e. tomorrow, since I had three mini crunch bars for breakfast this morning) but will attempt to thoroughly enjoy until then. 
High waisted blue plaid skirt number two. More comfortable than the first one but less cute; unfortunate tradeoff. Sorry for the face that says "I'm about to vomit," I took these pictures approximately five minutes after I got out of bed and for some reason thought that was acceptable. Also, I don't know why my legs look a completely different color than the rest of my body. They weren't photoshopped so clearly my room has majorly awkward lighting. 
Blue and white striped skirt which I will wear as "the most comfortable dress ever."
Totally unnecessary but just wanted to show you what happened the first time I attempted to put my camera on self timer-my head turned into a glowing orb. CREEPY. 

Friday, August 22, 2008

totally gratuitous


Just want to let you know that as much as I love Danity Kane's new song (don't judge me, you know you sing it in the car too), she scares me. From nymag.com. 

lame

Lame \leym\ adjective 1. writing cover letters in your parent's kitchen at 1:46 on a Friday afternoon when it is really sunny outside and laying by the pool would be infinitely awesomer 2. realizing that today you had Gushers and a Snicker's ice cream bar for lunch 3. the fact that you're forgoing poolside awesomeness and not actually writing any cover letters; the one you started at 9am still sucks ass. 

go for broke

Does anyone read the NY Times "Moment Blog?" It has all sorts of little tidbits about fashion, design, travel, etc. that normally appear in T Magazine. One particular column that appears in it is "Go For Broke," which, according to its byline, is a column about big purchases worth rationalizing. The most recent item "worth rationalizing" is the following Prada skirt:

Facts: I love pencil skirts. I love floral patterns. I love metallics. But for some reason when I saw this column I just sort of scrunched up my mouth and thought "I dunno dude..." Like, if I were strolling through Banana Republic and saw this for like $145 I'd be all "Oooh" and then wait until it went on sale and then be all "ugh, they always run out of my size on sale things, why do I NEVER remember this?" I know that it's all handmade lace, Prada construction, blah blah. And I'm sure there's a reason that the price is exactly $3,290 (why not just three grand? or three thousand three hundred? I guess if you can pay three thousand for a skirt the additional $290 won't really bother you). But for some reason I'm just not super thrilled by it. 

Regardless,  the best thing about this column are the comments that people leave. Half are like "THIS SKIRT IS HIDEOUS, WHO THE HELL WOULD BUY IT?" and the other half are like "It's soo dreamy, I would miss a mortgage payment to have it but instead will have to ogle instead," and then to the two sides get into ridiculous Prada-inspired, H&M-bashing, LiLo vs. Hilary Duff back-in-the-day fights. It kind of got me thinking about what I would actually splurge this much on. Couldn't really think of anything; to be 
honest, I'm not much of a splurger (and of course, what counts as a splurge varies from person to person, when I bought adorable knee high, flat heeled, brown riding boots for $300 last year I almost puked). I tend to covet classic items forever (like the riding boots) until I'm absolutely positive that I MUST have them and that once purchased 
I will never require anything item in my wardrobe EVER. And then I bite the bullet and buy it and it fills said wardrobe void for a while until something new comes along that I must have. Of course, the random splurges that I make without thinking (H&M mocs, J. Crew hoodie, Lily Pulitzer dress on sale (don't worry it doesn't have elephants or sea turtles or anything on it, just a basic shift)) are the things that I end up loving the most and wearing every day. Because that gut "I've-got-to-have-it-right-now" feeling tends to yield the most long lastingly enjoyable pieces in my wardrobe (well, I'm sure the H&M mocs won't hold up for more than a couple months but you get the point), I can't fully get on board with a column that tries to pass on that feeling. 

Having said all that, here's a photo of me seriously considering stealing this Yves Saint Laurent vintage frock from a museum in Berlin:
Black velvet, v in front and back, three quarter length sleeves, big black bow and huge skirt? A couple years spent in a German prison? Totally worth going for broke. 

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

let's start off with something frivolous shall we?

HELLO INTERNET. Shit, caps lock, my bad, although the excited tone is on point. Anyways, I'm back from Europe, relaxing in Kentucky, and watching Mad Men on TiVo. Thanks to the fact that I am reunited with my beloved powerbook and not aimlessly wandering around Europe, I can resume regular blogging! Of course, I don't want to overwhelm anyone so we'll start off with something really shallow:
Now, I recognize that she probably thinks she's being funny. But I want to know, at what point does a person lose touch with reality to the point that they casually remark that everyone considers spending a couple grand on a handbag. WE'RE AT WAR PEOPLE. I mean, I've stopped cold in my tracks in the middle of the sidewalk to drool over a sumptuous leather good in a storefront window but I'm not about to start believing that the average American consumer is about to fork over what amounts to a year at a state university for a purse. 

Monday, August 11, 2008

zwani.com myspace graphic comments
Okay, so I googled "german birthday" and that amazingly tacky glittering thing appeared. Oh, the reason I googled "german birthday?" Because today is, in fact, my day of birth and I will be celebrating here in Berlin with Leah, who I am picking up from the airport in a couple of hours, and probably a slew of Germans I don't know (if tonight follows the pattern thusfar established on my Europe trip). 

P.S. sorry of the last couple of posts seem to be written in a trance, not speaking English on a regularly basis for two weeks has thrown off my ability to speak eloquently. I'm hoping that said ability will return once I have an English speaking travel companion!

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Hallo from Germany!

Okaz, everztime there is supposed to be a "Y" in this post there is probably going to be a "Z" instead because German kezboards switch them and I suck at remembering random things like that. Which I have an excuse for because I woke up at 3am this morning in order to catch the bus at 4am to get to Heathrow by 6am for mz 7am flight. Death. And then took two buses from Tegel airport in Berlin to get to my couch surf hostess's apartment (which is super adorable and she's really nice and of course really laid back and euro and cool, which is terrifying to lame American me). Then I headed into the city and just sort of wandered around. I did a little shopping; it's freezing here and my one pair of jeans (which were worn everyday in Edinburgh and London) will simply not cut it. I hit up the standards like H&M and Levis but came up with nothing. Then wandered around what must be the German version of Saks or Bergdorfs or something, which was having a huge sale, and almost blew the rest of my food money on this adorable Versace coat which was marked down to 200euros (fortunately it didn't fit me perfectly so I will, in fact, be able to eat). Then I randomly scored a pair of jeans at United Colors of Benetton for 20eurors; apparently it's the one store in the universe that is cheaper in Europe. 

Friday, August 8, 2008

72 hours in London

Okay, technically I think I'll have been in London for longer but it really doesn't feel like it. I took a night bus here from Edinburgh, met my friend for two days, and have to leave for the airport tomorrow at four am to fly to Berlin. Also, girl here are really into wearing shorts (think the formal shorts so often discussed on Go Fug Yourself) over tights with ballet flats. It's sort of cute in a "why don't you just wear pants" sort of way. How do we feel about this?

Sunday, August 3, 2008

moral dilemma resolved

Jennifer, I'm sorry. I went sailing. I didn't get your comment telling me not to do so until AFTER I had returned from the west coast (in Scotland you can go from "the east coast" to "the west coast" in an hour and a half, so enjoyable). I should say, HOWEVER, that I failed to mention that I would not be on a boat alone with the wee french man; there would be others there to protect me. And so I went and it was weird because he was weird but the people that actually OWNED the boat were really delightful and nice (except for their friendship with weird Frenchie) so I actually managed to avoid and not speak to Frenchie for the entire day (hurray!). Yes, it was not very feminist of me to accept such a favor but I am on a budget and if a lame European wants to treat me to sailing and I know I am tall enough to murder him if he attempts to collect compensation then I'm going to do it dammit! Okay, so that was a little over the top (even for moi) so I'm just going to let this image explain the whole thing:
This isn't a photo I actually took on my sailing journey but it looked pretty much the same, maybe even better so...makes all the talk of feminism and political-correctness-regarding-French-people sort of pale in comparison, no?

-photo from here-

Saturday, August 2, 2008

moral dilemma

So today I met a random French man in Scotland who is about ten inches shorter than I and, I thought, gay (with French guys it can be hard to tell, I'm sorry but it's true). He paid for my dinner and we went to a concert and he invited me to go sailing tomorrow! And then tried to make out with me...awkward. I was able to look up to avoid him, THAT is how short he is. SO awkward. But here's the problem: I REALLY WANT TO GO SAILING! I mean, how often to you get invited to go on a sailboat in Scotland? For free? ugh. WHY DOES SEX COMPLICATED EVERYTHING? Like, why should I feel compelled to make out with this teensy tiny Frenchman because I want to sail the high Scottish seas? It's not like I owe him because he bought me dinner right? WHAT SHOULD I DO?