Thursday, July 31, 2008

off to Scotland!

Hello Blogosphere, quick update to let you know that I am on my way to Scotland. Sorry for the lack of updates; wandering around Paris left me with a lot to talk about but no energy with which to type. Trust that upon my return to America you will get a story about the lengths I will go to for falafel, and one about a pervy Architecture professor from LA (two separate stories, don't worry, I don't sleep with middle aged men for falafel...yet). Au revoir!

Monday, July 28, 2008

in which i apologize for my whining in the previous post but do not, in fact, stop whining

Greetings from Paris, part deux! Sorry that previous post was so obnoxious ("I'm in Paris, wah wah wah"), I blame my jet lagged induced illness and this fucking french keyboard (WHY IS THE M NOT WHERE IT SHOULD BE?). Fortunately, today was much better than yesterday and although still not super exciting, gave me hope that I will not be the first person in the world to bitch and ,oan (see that? the way it says ",oan" instead of "moan?" That's because there is a comma where the M should be. It's actually killing me) her way around Europe. Today I went to the Centre Pompidou and looked at all sorts of modern art, which is the surest way to put me in a better mood because I looove modern painting. Sculpture and photography I enjoy, sure, but I get sort of antsy in sculpture gardens and those walk-in installation pieces because I always feel sort of bored by them but know that they are impressive and I should just shut up and marvel. Paintings however I will pluck my scrawny white girl ass right in front of and gaze at forever. The museum even had a Brice Marden piece, which almost caused me to squeal with delight before I realized that would be totally un-Parisian and chic of me.
Anyways, I'm hoping tomorrow will be even more enjoyable than today and tomorrow night I will venture out into Parisian nightlife (fingers crossed, I might not be ballsy enough for this one tomorrow but it WILL get done before I leave). As for tonight, it's raining hellaciously out so I'll be here in the apartment watching CSI in French and eating nutella. I don't know what I was worried about last night, I mean, it's just France.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

the slow start continues

Greetings from Paris! I'm going to go ahead and apoligize now for the millions and millions of typos that are bound to appear in this post because I am writing from a french keyboard and the keys are all over the place. The biggest nuisance is the A being where the Q nor,ally is and the M being where the ; normally is. Anyways, seeing as this is my first post from across the pond, while on my first solo trip to Europe, I'm sure you are expecting it to be full of love for the city of lights and vespas and freedom and baguette. But unfortunately that's not the case. Today is my second day in this delightful city and it's really just not going so well. Yesterday I met a friend (plus her friend she was traveling with) who is studying in London and was going to stay with me for the night. That part was great. We did all sorts of touristy things; saw the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the Arc de Triumph. Then we cama back to the little apartment I'm subletting for the week and crashed since I had gotten like three hours of sleep on my flight and we'd been walkding around all day. I did not sleep well. My mind was racing about what I was going to do for the rest of the week alone, the shitty mess I made with an ex-boyfriend the week before I left, not having enough money for the trip, etc. And then I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a mack truck. Instead of spending the day sightseeing with my friend before she had to leave at five, I stayed in the apartment puking and dry heaving water all day. Great. "Welcome to Paris," my gastrointestinal system said, "the city of love where you're all alone without a soul to talk to." Gotta love that I've flown however many miles and spend the night awake thinking about a guy that I've let walk all over me since I was in high school; what is he doing? how will things be when I get back? why is it always a lie when we say we're really going to be friends this time? This whole trip is a narcissistic way to clear my head of all my recurring adolescent mopiness; maybe it has to get worse before it gets better?

Friday, July 25, 2008

off to a slow start

Greetings from Newark Airport, home of my six hour layover! As much as I generally enjoy flyinh by myself, no having to worry about someone else's stuff getting stolen or them being late, six hours goes by significantly slower all by your lonesome. I've already eaten shitty airport Chinese food, bought an overpriced bottle of water, and read 200 pages of "I Know This Much is True," (I'm a little behind on my Wally Lamb, I know) but the minutes are just slowly creepy by. Yawn.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

bad girl

Dear Blogosphere:

I suck. I have totally been MIA for the past week and YOU DESERVE BETTER. Unfortunately my family stuff sort of took over for a while and this week I have been preparing for...duh duh duh....POST COLLEGE EUROPE TRIP 2008. That's right internet bitches, I'm crossing the pond and dipping my toes into Paris, Edinburgh, London, Berlin, and Amsterdam for three and a half weeks. Why? Because I have no job and lots of time. Not so much money but shit, you're only young once right? Hopefully I'll stumble across internet every once in a while and give the world wide web an update on my whereabouts (most likely eating baguette alone because I'm traveling solo for most of the time) but I make no promises on the delivery of such technological postcards. Trust me when I say I'll miss you.


Thursday, July 17, 2008

sometimes things go from bad to worse

1. Get wisdom teeth removed on Monday.
2. Have MRI of swollen ankle on Wednesday, feel pain reverberate through jaw every time the MRI makes that loud "MRI Noise."
3. On Wednesday aunt's ex-husband, and father of cousin, loses year long battle with cancer. It's upsetting, and you're completely unable to imagine what you would do in your cousin's situation, but you feel kind of awkward because you only met him a half dozen times so you're not really able to summon the emotion necessary to not look like a heartless bitch. 
4. Wednesday night you wake up on the middle of the night unable to move your jaw and thus scream because the pain that is currently pulsating through your mouth is outrageous. 
5. Thursday morning call Oral Surgeon convinced you have dry sockets. Are assured that it's just muscle cramping because you haven't moved your jaw since Monday. 
6. Later Thursday morning drive seven hours to South Carolina for family gather on the other side (non-mourning) side of your family. Family which you have nothing in common with and thus will spend the weekend sitting by the pool by yourself reading magazines and trying not to burst into hysterics every time your redneck distant cousins say something misogynist (about every ten minutes). 

Hope your weekends are all better than mine, see you next Monday!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008


I've been tagged! I'm surprisingly excited about this since the last time I was "tagged" it was in the fifth grade during a game of freeze tag and it was because I was a wee bit chunky and could not move at fast speeds. Jennifer at The Most Awesomest Stuff tagged me to complete this ode-to-the-number-three survey and I'm really not one to deny the decider of all things awesome, since I myself may one day create something to be sold and will rely on her to tout my wares. So here it goes!

1. What are the last three things you purchased?
  • A set of curlers from Kmart
  • A plane ticket from London to Berlin for August 8th (I'm going to Europe in a couple of weeks, more on that later!)
  • A game card to play arcade games at an arcade in Newport, KY because of Tom Petty being sold out.
2. What are the last thee songs you downloaded?
  • Oregon Girl - Someone Still Loves you Boris Yeltsin (google them, they're delightful despite slightly douchey name)
  • I'm Yours - Jason Mraz (I almost didn't type this for fear that it might get stuck in your head like it is in mine)
  • Damaged - Danity Kane 
3. Where were the last three places you visited?
  • Outer Banks, North Carolina
  • Abingdon, Virginia
  • Chicago, Illinois
4. What are your three favorite movies?
  • Animal House
  • Pride and Prejudice
  • Disney's the Sword and the Stone
5. What are your three favorite possessions?
     (it took me forever to answer this question, kind of makes you realize that all those things you "had to have" are pretty forgettable) 
  • An earrings and necklace set; the necklace given to me by my parents and the earrings by my best friend
  • a library chair from a Cincinnati public library that my senior year high school teacher got from the garbage when they tore it down. It's a seafoam green/blue, classic school type chair. I sat in it during AP english and he allowed me to barter for it at the end of the year (I gave him a hideous set of bookends my parents got in the Philippines in the 80s). 
  • my brand spanking new diploma
6. What three things can you not live without?
  • my cell phone
  • diet ginger ale
  • my little brother
7. What would be your three wishes?
  • to have perfect health
  • to have a fulfilling career (with a grossly fat paycheck)
  • a beach house, and the time to spend there
8. What are three things you have not done yet?
  • committed a felony
  • been in love
  • ran more than two miles at a time
9. What are your three favorite dishes?
  • anything with tortillas, cheese, sauteed veggies, and sour creme. literally, anything. 
  • homemade baked macaroni and cheese with peas and approximately a gallon of paprika
  • anything baked into a pie crust (apples, chocolate, pecans, mud, etc.)
10. What three celebrities would you want to hang out with the most?
  • Hugh Laurie
  • Michael Cera
  • Kathy Griffin (Jennifer I know I stole your answer but I LOVE her!)
11. Name three things that freak you out.
  • job searching
  • that specific type of aggressive and loud person that starts making "joking jabs" like four minutes after you meet them
  • watching other people brush their teeth
12. If you could describe yourself in three words, what would they be?
  • fun 
  • neurotic (I know like that seems it wouldn't fit with the first but somehow I'm the most laid back person about some things and insane about others)
  • cheeky
13. Name three unusual things you are good at.
  • putting things back together (broken jewelry, vacuums, etc.)
  • making lattice tops on pies
  • identifying previous roles of random actors/actresses in the film I'm watching, even if they're like extras (this can be really annoying when watching movies with me, I'll admit)
14. What are three things you are currently coveting?
  • a job
  • a boy to have a crush on
  • new sunglasses
15. What three bloggers would you like tag?
  • Blondie at Pink Honda Civic because I just started reading her blog and need to learn more!
  • see this is where my fat kid youth comes into play, I was never able to actually tag someone, only get tagged so... I really don't know how to continue on the taggage so I'll guess I'll be uber lame and request that anyone who wants to play do so!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

totally frivolous post wisdom teeth post

Hello! Yesterday I had my wisdom teeth surgery and it went really well! All those little potential problems ("the upper left might be poking into the sinus but we'll just put a little stitch in and it will be fine," etc.) didn't come to fruition, yay! I'm still a tad puffy (is it wrong that I kind of like the rounder face look?), sore, drinking chocolate milk like it's going out of style, and popping percocets but so far so well! To celebrate my relative aliveness I'm going to share with you something totally frivolous: I bought hair curlers. (note: I know this fully negates my "no shopping mission," BUT they were only $8 and I have bought absolutely NOTHING else except gas and food since my no shopping promise a week ago. photo from Last thursday I was out running errands in preparation for visiting family and my mother sent me Kmart to look for Trivial Pursuit and pool floats (totally normal, I know). I'd been wanting to play around with curlers for a while, in the hopes of getting those big voluminous Hollywood curls. So I blew out my hair until it was still a little damp, then my aunts loaded me up with giant curlers, I dried those with my diffuser attachment, took out the rollers, and ta da! this is what I got:
Not exactly Carrie Underwood or Angelina Jolie but I think I'm definitely going to give them another shot!

p.s. sorry there are so many exclamation points in this post, or if it doesn't make any sense. refer to the line in the first paragraph about popping percocets.

Monday, July 14, 2008

so long, farewell

I have a couple entries half written that I wanted to get posted before my surgery tomorrow morning but I'm too exhausted tonight to do so, so you get this lame goodbye instead. See you when the painkillers kick in!

Saturday, July 12, 2008

um, but don't I need those?

Ugh. On monday I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled. Or should I say, cut in half and ripped from my jaws mercilessly. I've avoided doing this for a couple of years but could put it off no longer so starting monday and continuing for what will seem like an eternity I will be laying in bed eating ice cream, NOT drinking through straws, moaning, watching movies and demanding more painkillers.  I'm a little nervous about the possibility of getting dry sockets but to be honest, I'm really worried about what I'm going to say in front of my parents while on copious amount of

photo from here.

Friday, July 11, 2008

wait, how did I get here?

I just want to let you all know that someone got to my blog by googling "wedding strapless dress armpit fat." I FEEL YAH GIRLFRIEND (okay, so maybe I just used the word "girlfriend" in all caps, so?). I myself get very nervous when faced with something strapless or sleeveless due to the phenomenon known as "armpit fat," which I find especially unfair since I have not been blessed with an ample bossom that usually accompanies said phenom. While I usually stick to just sort of "tucking in" the aforementioned armpit fat when no one is looking, my new advice is hit the gym and do a million bench presses and or push ups. This will work your arms ands chest, helping diminish arm pit fatiness. Of course, the only reason I do these things (not that I'm saying I do them very often; this blog is nothing if not truthful regarding my obscene laziness) is under the misguided impression that if I get stronger pecs it will somehow push out the tiny bossom I do have and make that look bigger. If you know for a fact that that is impossible DO NOT TELL ME or I'll never exercise again.

P.S. other search queries leading to my blog included "what would happen if you sponge painted over a popcorn ceiling" and "preppy wall stencils." I respond to both of these with a resonding "NO! DON'T DO IT!" I have experienced the sponge painted popcorn ceiling and it's atrocious; just paint the thing crisp white and hope that no one notices the little popcorn things. As for preppy wall stencils, you mean like little stencil argyles? or critter chinos? I don't fully understand but generally my response to wall stencils is "no no no."

Photo from here.

an open letter

Dear Job Interviewer from Tuesday:

First of all, kudos on your complete cluelessness when it came to the quality of your workplace, wardrobe, sense of humor, etc. It was like we were back in high school and you just really wanted me to like you. But um, trying that hard to appear cool must be exhausting. No need to make about a thousand pop culture references during the course of our interview. And ESPECIALLY no need to explain the entire plots of Kill Bill volumes 1 AND 2 after I had explained that I hadn't seen the films. I appreciated your anecdote about giving the CEO a makeover ("you should have seen his shoes...ugh..."), I mean no one loves a makeover more that me, but it would have been a little more convincing had you not been wearing an American flag pin on your lapel. Or a plaid gray suit, the pattern on which was way too big for your tiny frame (yeah, sorry I wore heels and towered above you nearly half a foot). Anyways, I'd just like to follow up and say thank you for the interview. I'm not sure whether I'll take you up on the offer to come in for a second interview with the CEO, since you keep trying to schedule it for next Tuesday, even though I've told you TWICE that I'm getting my wisdom teeth taken on Monday. Consider this letter a very small sample of the honesty you'll hear if I come in to interview (again) for a job I don't want on vicodin. 


my bad

sorry blogosphere! for the past couple of days (in which I've been surprisingly busy for an unemployed person) I've gone along willy-nilly thinking that I was successfully posting from my blackberry. WRONG. I now realize that none of those showed up and I've appeared to be the worst blogger ever for the past couple of days. MY BAD. 

Tuesday, July 8, 2008


Because I'm a huge nerd and wear thick rimmed glasses, sunglasses are always tricky for me. I can either go with the ultra-sexy clip on or get prescription sunglasses, which have to be non-trendy because they have to last a couple of years. My last pair were my dad's old mountain climbing Vuernet aviators with prescription lenses and I loved them dearly but they were plastic frames, nearly thirty years old and the earpiece broke in half a couple months ago. I 'fixed' them with electrical tape, which worked surprisingly well since they were black but it's an old prescription anyways so it's time to move on. Of course my new eye insurance doesn't accept my old eye doctor (who had the perfect Kenneth Cole sunglasses I wanted) so I'm having to shop around. I'm thinking these Raybans. Oh shit, does this fall under my no shopping ban? I want to argue that corrective lenses are a necessity and I'm only paying a copay but I'll have to think about this one...

p.s. I posted the above from my phone and have just now had a chance to look at the actual post on a computer and I'm sorry if I've scared you all with the non-human color of my lips. It was like a hundred degrees and muggy here in the Bluegrass State so I didn't so much as put on chapstick before I left the house. But don't worry, my lips are 100% human and I'll never leave with out lip gloss again.

Monday, July 7, 2008


So I have a meeting with a tech firm tomorrow to talk about working in their marketing department. It would be all about rebranding, event planning, etc.; all the things I want to do. The problem? It's in Lexington. Ugh. (the following said in really nasally whiny kid voice) But I don't want to stay in Lexington (maybe followed by a foot stomp). Really, I don't want to stay in Lexington, I want to move ANYWHERE ELSE. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's a fine town, good place to have children, raise a family, blah blah blah. Um, hello, I'm twenty years old, I need to get out of dodge as it were. Problem is, I'm not obsessed with a city enough to move there without a job. I've never like dreamed of making it big in New York, or had my heart set on Chicago or L.A. or anywhere for that matter. I just don't want to end up living in Kentucky for the rest of my life because I'll actually go insane. 

final opinion: don't know what to do and don't feel like doing anything about it. 

Sunday, July 6, 2008

lazy sunday

Ugh. What a lazy day. I keep forgetting that it's Sunday and all the random things I need to be doing (go to the eye doctor, following up on a resume I sent out, etc.) can't be done until tomorrow. I hate how the only time I ever remember to do things is when the places I need to go are closed; post office on Sunday, call my doctor after five, etc. I really need to get on the ball with writing to-do lists - the only thing that ever keeps me on track. Anyways, since I can't really get anything today I'm watching Harry Potter movies on TV, catching up on internet reading I missed this week, and browsing job postings, which is only making me convinced that I'm NEVER going to get a job. All I hear about is how horrible the job market is and how everyone is getting laid off; not good news for moi. I know I should be enjoying this time, a respite from schoolwork and a break before real life sets in, but I can't relax not knowing where I'll be or what I'll be doing a couple months from now. Factor in extreme boredom and a dwindling bank account and this is starting to become the suckiest summer ever. In order to circumvent it actually becoming the suckiest summer ever I'm going to try to double my job search efforts next week AND I'm going on a shopping hiatus. This means starting tomorrow I'm not buying ANYTHING except food and gas for the immediate future. Technically, this shouldn't be that hard since, you know, I HAVE MORE STUFF THAN COULD EVER BE NEEDED BY ONE HUMAN BEING, but I know it's going to be nearly impossible so wish me luck! 

Thursday, July 3, 2008

beach reading

One of the best thingd about the beach is that it's an excellent excuse to read all sorts of junk. Magazines, of course, but also heaps of chick-lit, John Grisham, and whatever else you fancy. I always stock up at the library prior to departure (I hardly ever buy books) and read like a madwoman while sunbathing. There's probably some rule about taking loaned books to the beach (when my family was ex-pats while I was in junior high, my school had a policy about taking books out of country) but it's the most cost effective way to satiate my hunger for written words I wasn't forced to read as homework, and I kind of like that they come back smelling all salty for the next borrower. So far I've started reading, but abandoned around page 250, an overly-ambitious-just-coming-across-as-weird book called "The Mailman," and finished an overly-ambitious-but-really-just-chick-lit book called "A Year in the Land of Yes." Not exaclt a success Today, however I started a book called "The Eyre Affair," by Jasper Fforde and it's really quite good (as you can see from the photo I'm already on chapter 31 and yes, I know my knees are bony). It's sort of a grown up version of "The Phantom Tollbooth," one of my favorites from elementary school, where fantastical things are presented as totally normal and the characters move throughout their wonky surrounding swiftly and interestingly. It's the first in a series so I'm quite happy to have stumbled upon it; it's light enough to read quickly but not so cheesily feel-good that you feel guilty about telloing your high school english teacher you're reading it. I'm going to South Carolina for a family gathering in two weeks, any summer reading suggestions?

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

totally gratuitous

Strapless Living Goes to the Beach

Ahhh, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and I'm slathered head to toe in SPF 50. Life is good. In a minute I'm turning off the blackberry, turning on the ipod and cracking open what is sure to be the first of many, many diet pepsis.

(p.s. my towel, whic you can see the corner of in the photo is from wal-mart, seven dollars. best purchase of the summer)

Greetings from North Carolina!

(picture of Virginia Beach sunset taken while driving, very safe)

Well, after twelve hours of driving I have finally made it to North Carolina the...tarheel state? Should probably figure out the motto before befriending locals. Anyways, I've only been in my mom's friend's beach house for like an hour and already awkwardness has ensued. One of the other women my mom's friend invited brought her 18 year old daughter, who is very...odd. She's one of those people that never grew out of the preteen phase where you know what a joke is but aren't quite able to tell one yet so you sort of spout out random things in a voice that implies "oh I'm so funny and sarcastic." For some reason this type of person makes me really uncomfortable because I am somehow not physically able to force myself to laugh at their "jokes" so I just end up making pained faces and they think I'm weird/not very nice. ANYWAYS, this wouldn't be a problem except I'm supposed to share a bedroom with her. It has two twin beds and everything but you can tell she's the kind of person that's going to want to chat in the evenings and I'll just be left going "um...yeah..." Which is why I have awkwardly inflated the ultra super delux air mattress that I forced my mother to bring because random shit like this always happens to me. So now I'm the girl that didn't want to sleep in the same room with the other girl...nice. Why do people always assume that "the young people" will immediately be best friends and want to sleep elbow to elbow? Just because we're both under twenty-five doesn't mean we'll have anything to say to each other.

Well, now that I've made a mountain out of a molehill, it's time for some shut eye on this fabulous air mattress. I'm not kidding, this thing is double layer (as thick as a real mattress with box spring) with interior coils and a plush top; why would I want to sleep anywhere else? Tomorrow will spent fully at the beach reading trashy books and Vogue and flipping like a rotisserie chicken-gotta love summer.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008


I've just attempted to set up mobile blogging, which will let me post pictures while I'm gone(isn't technology just the darndest thing). If it works there should be a blackberry-camera-quality screenshot of a TV testing screen below...

update: so it actually showed up above but who cares! now you'll get to see grainy pictures of the beach while I'm gone (watch out or you'll drool on your keyboard). I promise to stockpile loads of real post ideas for when I get back!

avoiding adult responsibilities 101

Hello blogosphere!
I feel like recently all I've done is tell you that I'm leaving for a few days; I'm such a heartless blogger. Which is why I'm typing this bon voyage post on my blackberry (need the typing practice) so that I will be geared up for satellite posting from afar. I'm off to North Carolina until Saturday (very last minute, just found out today, one of those 'my mom's friend's friend has this beach house that's empty this week...' type deals), but I promise to update you as much as possible (hannah+bathing suits+large waves is bound to yield something funny). Au revoir!