Saturday, March 29, 2008

oh how grand

First of all: Today is my graduation ball! Which means fancy dress, high heeled shoes, open bar (yay Canada!) and scrounging around the entire city to find a suit for my date. I'm sure something hilarious/unfortunate will happen to me by this time tomorrow so be prepared for an interesting update.
Second of all: My thirteen year old brother is in town to visit! So exciting/difficult to figure out what to take him to do since Montreal is best known for its bars and strip clubs...

Friday, March 28, 2008

setting a bad example.

On Monday I went shopping with a friend of mine who was looking for new jeans. It was a testament to our friendship that I accompanied her to the BAIN OF MY EXISTENCE, Urban Outfitters. Okay, excessive capital letters, I know, but I really can't stand that store. Especially since after trying on a dress that I loved but needed in a different size (I'm practically flat chested and can not understand how women with actual boobs are able to close button down shirts; I applaud you) I went online to order it and saw the following:
I understand why the fashion industry uses skinny women as models; clothes hang better, you focus on the outfit, etc. But come on. We didn't even have an Urban Outfitters in my state growing up and I still started shopping there on trips when I was like 15 so girls in urban cities probably start in middle school.  I've never been one of those people who gets angry enough to write letters to companies but I'm considering sending one off to UO. All the girls on their website look like they need to be carted off set and hooked up to an IV; it saddens me to say that this photo is on the healthier side. Do what you need to do to make your clothes look good without blatantly promoting something unhealthy, capiche?

Thursday, March 27, 2008

free pass

Since this week has been like hell on Earth and I'm ridiculously exhausted and hiding in the library, I am incapable of having an original blog thought. As a result, I'm copying Scented Glossy Magazines and presenting you, the blogosphere, with my "five free pass" list. Since I'm  bored I can't guarantee that this list will stay at five but I'll do my best. 

1. Scott Michael Foster
Those of you that aren't pathetic losers may not know of dear SMF but please allow me enlighten you. He plays scruffy-but-adorable (and funny) frat boy "Cappie" on the ABC Family show "Greek," (don't judge, iTunes gave the pilot away on iTunes, I couldn't resist) and brooding indie filmmaker Jed, on "Quarterlife." Basically for an semi-indie, liberal WASP, who probably secretly wants a boy to "give her his letters," SMF is the jackpot. 

2. Aaron Eckhart 
This list is slowly starting to reveal my love for intense square jaws but whatever. Watch the build up to the sex scene in "Conversations with Other Women" and try not require a cold shower after. I dare you. (This also reveals my, not so secret, love of older men, SO typical I know).

3. James McAvoy
I know I've spoken several times about my love for James McAvoy. But seriously. Searing eyes. Scottish. Played the character that inspired Mr. Darcy in "Pride and Prejudice." I think it would be pretty damn near impossible for him not to be ridiculously sexy. I have a sneaking suspicion that he's shorter than me but who cares when you're horizontal?

4. Kanye West
I'm pretty sure there's no need for me to explain this one. Full lips, amazing wardrobe, fantastic jaw line, loads of money, sexiest thing alive, etc. etc.

5. Prince William
I KNOW. Super super cliche and lame. But come on, he's a PRINCE. And he's super fine, AND imagine how much the royal family would pay you off for keeping it a secret (slash, the advance for your tell all book). It would be like the free pass that keeps on giving!

And just for good measure, another Scott Foster picture:
so hot, right?

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

totally unwarranted rage fit

These two girls are sitting near me in a lounge/study space on campus and are literally driving me crazy. The following about them are resulting in my displeasure:
  • chunky, chain-style, tiffany's bracelet (hated when they were cool five years ago, hate now)
  • burberry headband (I get it, you're rich, but the fact that you're wearing a tan headband in your hair of the same color makes you not only a brat but one with poor taste)
  • fake uggs (self explanatory)
  • denim mini skirt with fuggs (yeah...it's like 35 degrees out and also, see above)
  • they are loudly complaining about all the guys that are stalking on them on facebook because, you know, they're so hot
  • one just asked the other how to spell "pigeon"
  • etc. etc. etc.
I'm so sorry that you had to witness this burst of anger, which is probably indicative of some sort of mental rage disorder but I had to get it off my chest or I was going to go ballistic.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

point, click, shoot.

I really need a new digital camera. My parents got me one for Christmas two years ago that was supposed to be really nice, it was like 7.2 megapixels, good zoom, whatever. But here's the thing: it takes totally shitty pictures. I thought I just didn't know how to use it properly (manual? what?) but when I went on amazon.com and looked at reviews of it, it turned out that no one else could finagle it to take nice pictures either. SO UNFORTUNATE. So I'm in the market for a new one; does anybody have one they really like/know of a really good one? The quality of all my graduation (and drunken quarterlife crisis thereafter) photos depends on it.

march madness

First of all, before anything else is said, I CALLED WEST VIRGINIA BEATING DUKE! This pretty much makes me a NCAA bracket oracle since I'm pretty sure no one else did (according to my very official research methods; only 23% of bracketers chose them to beat Arizona so it's unlikely too many had them beat Duke). Regardless of the fact that I had Kentucky beating Marquette (and Stanford), which clearly was wishful thinking, I'm currently beating all my guy friends in our bracket so...makes me pretty happy.
P.S. Did Marquette's uniforms remind anyone else of the powerpoint presentation pre-set background "Dad's Tie?" It's all I can think about when I see them play.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

end of an era

Oh my god this week has been total hell. I had a presentation and a paper due on Tuesday and tomorrow I'll be handing in two term papers and doing another presentation. I don't mean to be such a whiner but holy crap, for real? Anyways, I'm just finishing up the bibliography on this last paper and thought I'd send a shout out to the internet to commemorate what has been the longest week ever!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

head games

Did anybody else think that this week's Sex Diary in New York Magazine was trying too hard? Wait, does anybody else awkwardly read the Sex Diary column on nymag.com on their laptop in public places? Because I totally do. I read it in class, in the library, cafeteria, whatever. I'm not ashamed of my awkwardly voyeuristic reading material, I mean, it's New York Magazine not Playboy. Anyways, this week's column (in which random new yorkers are asked to keep a diary of any and all sexual activity they engage in during the week) was written by a 29 year old straight woman who is in the middle of a really awkward "relationship" with a 19 year old.  I mean, that's weird enough on its own but she's also really insecure about it and plays lots of hard-to-get, pathetic games. And she gave gratuitous uncomfortable details about her sexcapades. And so I offer this simple prayer: Dear God/Buddha/J. Crew Chinos: Please please please when I am 29 DO NOT under any circumstances let me date a 19 year old. And please do not let me resort to awkward head games I recognized as stupid even as a 14 year old (and that's saying something; I had pink hair when I was 14). Sincerely Yours, Hannah

Sunday, March 16, 2008

a dream deferred. too dramatic?

Tragedy has struck. I put these bad boys in my watchlist on ebay and then completely forgot about them. Turns out they went for twenty dollars and fifty cents! For Ferragamo knee high boots, slightly slouchly, in black, a style I have been coveting forever. I have got to start getting cell phone alerts for ebay. Wait, is that ridiculous?

Friday, March 14, 2008

voyeurs should not be allowed to read...

New York Time's "Property Values" column. The feature shows what different price points will get you in different real estate markets across the country. For someone who is, admittedly, a huge snooper like myself, this is a gold mine. I'm currently obsessing over this $2 million row house in D.C. and bits and pieces of about a million other houses. Here's a sampling:
Kitchen of a farmhouse in South Egreton, Mass. House $485,00

Wood frame house on the water in Bass Harbor, Main. $685,000

Renovated Creole cottage (you should see the scrumptious wood floors) in New Orleans, perhaps with a new paint job. $299,000

And finally, this house situated on 46 acres in Kenswick, Virginia complete with guest house and horse barn. The kitchen is horrendous (I've found that nice houses renovated in the south tend to come away with bizarre monotone granite monstrosities) but forty-six acres! Unfortunately now I have to go do homework and push back home buying for another...thirty years?

i'm a barbie girl

This afternoon the Fug Girls brought this lovely outfit to my attention:
Okay, let's get the obvious out of the way: she's filming a goofy chick flick and there's a 57% chance this is for a dream sequence, yes the capelet is terrifying and reminiscent of Cruelle DeVille, and the purse looks like a prop that wandered away for the set of Reese Witherspoon's failure "Vanity Fair." But let's just ignore that for a minute. I would have positively wet myself when I was younger for such a colorful, crazy tulle underskirt such as that. In fact, for my birthday this year I totally want to track down that dress and walk around all night with a bottle of champagne in my hand doing twirls and requesting that someone tragically handsome feed me cake while I'm draped over a fainting settee like some sort of 1980s Marie Antoinette. 

greasy spoon

My roommate's birthday plus too much drinking plus empty freshly plowed Montreal streets equals a drunken walk home at three a.m. replete with ballet dancing down our block. As a result I groggily woke up at 12:30 this afternoon, put on a baseball cap (GO CATS!) and walked to the corner grocery store to pick up vitamin water and pop-tarts. Oh college, I'm going to miss you. 

Thursday, March 13, 2008

embarrassing fact #4

I love MTV's reality show "The Gauntlet." It's ridiculous. I've decided that if I had to go on a reality television show this would be it. Think about it; exotic location, attractive men, lots of booze. Plus, I'm a total weakling so the opposing team would protect me from getting kicked off. Now if you'll excuse me I've got to get to bed so I can dream about Frank's amazing shoulder muscles. Au revoir!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

because vaginas are not above ground swimming pools

While lounging on my couch observing the festivities across the street (see below) I put my TV on for background noise (and to be pretend that I wasn't, you know, spying). Then all of the sudden I noticed that there was an advertisement for the following product:
It's a pH level kit! AGH! I'm sorry but this looks freakishly similar to the pH tester kits my parents have for their in-ground pool, which is just plain wrong wrong wrong. I recognize that sometimes women have personal issues which they may want to investigate prior to going to a doctor but ladies(!) this is an important body part, do you really want to treat it the same way you would a swimming pool? Yes maybe it gets less action in the winter than summer, similar to a swimming pool (what? it's true), but you wouldn't entrust its care to the GED recipient working for "Sally's Pool Care," and packets of cheap chlorine, would you? If there is an issue down below, GO TO THE DOCTOR. Your vagina deserves better!

P.S. Dear blogosphere: Sorry this post is sort of explicit and gross. Also, I recognize the potential that this product has for women who can't afford medical care, or where it isn't available, etc. Maybe it just needs a new marketing strategy? 

lame

I just realized that my hot across-the-street-neighbor who sometimes shovels his sidewalk in his boxers is a) in my public sector econ class and b)walked out of that class early to build a giant snowman with his roommates in their front yard (five by seven plot of ground in front of their apartment). To which I reply: DUDE NOT COOL. You left me to listen to another half hour about property taxes while you were frolicking in the snow and engaging in a creative, fun-but-challenging, activity? Harsh. 

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

unfortunate


That is the Weather Channel's forecast for Thursday. Drizzle? Is that a real word? Couldn't you just say "Thursday will be like hell, if hell were made of frozen slush that rained down on you and froze in clumps in your hair?"

Monday, March 10, 2008

really?

The girl on the right, who is sixteen years old, is fighting her mother (not pictured) so that she may remain married to her 19 year old husband on the left. To which I respond: really?
(don't you love my camera skills?)

This is why you should never watch daytime TV. I'm not proud of the fact that I watched Dr. Phil this afternoon but, as you can see, it was a train wreck and I just could not turn away. Here's the thing, I understand that love is a powerful thing and may cause people to act irrationally. But when you're sixteen, aren't you wide eyed and bushy tailed enough to think that you can do better than an amorphous, creepy, bloated, borderline pedophiliac high school drop out? 

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Kentucky beat Florida! Hurray!

oooh c-a-t-s cats cats cats

ARE YOU READY FOR MARCH MADNESS?

Okay, I recognize not everyone is as obnoxious regarding college basketball as I am but since I could care less about professional sports, the NCAA tournament in March is like the pinnacle of my sports enthusiasm. And Kentucky is right in the middle of an intense game against Florida which will determine whether we make the tournament (the fact that it's even a possibility that we won't is crazy to me, this season has been so disappointing). So...I'm gonna go. Be prepared for either a really happy or really depressed post to follow.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

explain


Prada, you owe me an explanation. What IS that? Mary-Jane+Victorian Boot+Cheap Round Toe Pump+Leather Ruffle Trim? I don't understand. This is like how every summer you come out with weird adidas knockoff slide sandals in neon colors. Aren't you supposed to be, like, chic? What on earth do you expect people to wear with these shoes; school girl outfits with high frilly collars and fishnets? Sounds like someone in your shoe studio is having some sort of life crisis about "who they are" and "what impression they want to leave on the world." I mean, I totally understand that particular crisis but you don't see me shelling it in shoe form at Saks for $750 a pop. 
P.S. Sak's website posts this message following its description of the aforementioned item: Due to popular demand, a customer may order no more than three units of this item every thirty days. I know I read something about British people buying tons of stuff from the U.S. and reselling it because of the exchange rate but Saks, do you think these are what they are buying? I know Brits can be sort of quirky in the fashion department but let's not be overly optimistic. 

no wait, don't tell me

Because I live in the artic tundra of Canada, and do not get the typical American television station Bravo, I have not seen the finale of Project Runway so PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME. Thank you, that is all.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

because life is not a project runway episode

Oh goodness. How hilarious is ChloĆ« Sevigny's new clothing line? New York Magazine did a good tongue in cheek article about it here; below is how I feel about it. 
On the left: I get what you were going for here C, I really do. Lord knows I love high waisted black pencil skirts and ballet flats so points for those. Although girl, you have got to watch your poses. I mean, I know Tyra teaches everyone how to do the hunch, but yours is coming out a little more "office party 'scuse me I need the bathroom or I'm gonna puke in from of the CFO."
On the right: Once again, I get where you're going with this. It's very mall-meets-madonna-meets-your character on Big Love. But it's a little impractical for the office, no?


I'm just going to ignore the outfit on the left because it's giving me painful flashbacks from when my cousin would take me shopping with her at Contempo Casuals back in the day. Instead, let's look at the outfit on the right shall we? The t-shirt under dress thing is a little kooky but who hasn't stood in front of their mirror before going out on a friday night and though "hm, maybe if I wear this with a shirt under it, it will look sort of fresh and hip?" If you're saying "um, I haven't," then you're lying and we should probably just end this friendship right now. ANYWAYS, I have certainly had those thoughts many a time but then you know what happens? You try it on and go "wow, that is kind of cute, but in that cute-in-my-house way where I'll feel really self conscious and people will think I'm trying too hard in real life sort of way." And you put it back in the closet. 



Nothing really to say about this except is looks sort of like test shots for a girl looking to enter the adult entertainment industry; "well, I didn't have my own slutty mid-western girl or S&M outfit but I figured I could just wear these to the audition and buy some if I get the part."


Floral matching outfit? This to me screams "Scene deleted from titanic where Kate realizes she forgot undergarments for a very tight dress and, thinking quickly, rips down the bathroom curtains, which her and Jack use to make a corset and then giggle coyly to eachother about over dinner."


Personally, Ms. Sevigny, I think you look the best here. Maybe stick with accessories from now on?

P.S. I don't know why that one random part won't stop being an underlined faux link, I even changed the html (I don't even know what html stands for so it was harrowing as you can imagine), sorry!


election

Ugh. Exciting things are going on in the primaries and all I want to do is sit in front of my tv and watch CNN but instead I have to do econ homework about tax policy. Lame.
P.S. I did briefly turn it on to see that Hillary won Ohio to which I respond: Go on girl, get on wit yo' bad self. But then Obama came on and delivered that [purely rhetoric and no policy] speech to which I responded: you said nothing important but it was sooo sexy. 

Monday, March 3, 2008

montreal grocery stores: 1

American grocery stores still whoop Canadian grocery stores' collective behinds but Montreal's IGA does have one redeeming quality: Online Grocery Shopping. Due to the $4 handling fee it's not for random items but is ideal for "I got off the plane at 11:30 last night and oh shit I have zero groceries," because it means I don't have to go out and bear Montreal's frigid temperatures and can instead sit at home and study for my mid-term on Thursday (or blog, whatever.) for which one of my textbooks is still shrink wrapped. Graduation? What?

Sunday, March 2, 2008

retraction

Remember when I said I liked my haircut? WRONG. After a couple days of self styling, I realized that some of the layers around my head are really short. I completely recognize that this is partially my fault since I did imply I wanted some face framing layers coming down from my bangs (why are things like that so difficult to describe?). Unfortunately there was some disconnect about how short I wanted my overall hair to be and as a result, when I wear my hair curly (as it is naturally) I look something like the animal in the bottom of this decorative plate circa 1989:
So unfortunate! On the bright side, it looks okay straightened. On the dark side, that means I have to straighten every day until it grows out. Reminder: Never cut hair ever; grow it out world record setting style and hide it in some sort of turban only to be unfurled for photo ops. 

yes please.

Here's the thing; I really need to just freaking buy one of these carousel rings. I'm obsessed with them. I've wanted one since J. Crew introduced them like a year ago. But for some reason I will not simply fork over the $75. I mean, seventy-five big ones is a lot of cash, but I'm bound to blow it on other stuff anyways (silly american apparel v-neck($25)+target headband that I don't need($6)+real simple, GQ, vanity fair at the montreal  airport($18)+unnecessary post-workout groceries($12)+organic chapstick from amazon($20. wait, really? crap.)=more than $75) so why not put it towards something I've coveted forever and CLEARLY want more than goofy organic chapstick. Apparently, I have some sort of "delayed gratification," mechanism that is at play here. My friends can back me up on this, as evidenced by the "Great Riding Boot Fretathon of 2007," during which I gnawed and gnashed for weeks over buying a pair of boots I'd wanted for TWO YEARS. Fortunately, I wear clothes mostly considered "classics" and the pieces don't usually run the risk of going out of style but seriously; enough is enough. Does anyone else do this? Am I inflicted with some sort of shopping masochism?